- The Washington Times - Thursday, April 7, 2011

To: His Excellency Revolutionary Leader Col. Moammar Abu Minyar al-Gadhafi

From: President Barack Hussein Obama, The White House, Washington, D.C.

Dear Moammar,

I received your letter of April 5. I’m sorry we are having a spat. I know that we have been friends, and I would like to remain on good terms. But under the circumstances, I don’t see how that is possible. I have made public statements that you must relinquish power, and as you know, once I make a pledge, I stand by it. Seriously, I do. Stop laughing.

I know you won’t leave power voluntarily, and you know that I will not use the same deadly methods against you that I have been using in Pakistan against other global terrorist leaders. This leaves us at an impasse. I had hoped that the rebels, given irresistible air support, would have been able to dislodge your regime the way the Afghan Northern Alliance did against the Taliban back in 2001. However, the rebellion does not seem to be up to the task even after we have destroyed your air force and offensive ground capability. In a way, I am not surprised; on television, they look like something right out of the “Mad Max” movie.

You say that “democracy and building of civil society cannot be achieved by means of missiles and aircraft,” and I agree completely. Frankly, we went down that road in Iraq. I take every opportunity to remind the world that we inherited most of our problems from my predecessor. And I think we can also agree that the tension between our two countries can be attributed chiefly to President Ronald Reagan.

As for your assertion that the current kinetic military activity mainly benefits armed fighters supporting al Qaeda, we are studying that situation closely. While our intelligence analysts only see glimmerings of violent jihadist activity in the liberated zone, we really wish both sides in your conflict would keep better control of the sophisticated anti-air weapons that bin Laden’s men have been hauling off to Mali. The counterterrorism team on our National Security Council isn’t exactly sure why al Qaeda would want these weapons, but I just have a bad feeling about it.

You say “NATO is waging an unjust war against a small people of a developing country.” I can’t really answer for NATO since I already handed off responsibility for the kinetic action to them and wasn’t really in charge of it to begin with. But I take issue with the claim that the war is unjust. The United Nations, or at least the Security Council - that is, part of the Security Council - authorized the intervention. It may have been illegal under the U.N. Charter (our legal beagles are still checking into that) but at least we thought it was legitimate at the time. My advisers say our responsibility to protect - we call it R2P - overrides any legal concerns or the need to consult with our Congress. Also I need not remind you that I am a Nobel Peace Prize recipient, so technically everything I do is legit.

Let me be clear. Our international coalition intervened to save the lives of Libyans. As the daily carnage continues, this remains our mission.

Yours sincerely, Barack