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“I can assure you that the rough is penal enough right now. And actually, in some ways, I would say that this rough is a bit more penal than you’ve seen the last few years. And the reason for that is we actually feel it needs to be. These fairways are wider than most U.S. Opens, and … they’re bentgrass fairways, heavy soils, and we’ve got a lot of humidity in this area.

“So you don’t see Congressional’s fairways really roll out like some U.S. Opens. You’re not seeing 30, 40, 50 yards of run. That’s just Congressional. If you miss a fairway here, it’s going to be slightly more penal than say last year at Pebble Beach when it was rock hard [and] windy.”

That’s three penals in two paragraphs. What kind of tournament is this — and are Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman in the field?

(It’s the U.S. Open, meathead.)