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Culture Briefs

- - Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Bad influence

"With the help of the Worldwide Leader, [Jalen] Rose took baggy shorts, black socks, bald heads and trash talk and created the illusion the [Michigan basketball] Fab Five were some sort of transcendent, revolutionary freedom fighters cut from the same cloth as Jackie Robinson, Jim Brown, Arthur Ashe and Muhammad Ali.

"It's laughably untrue. The legacy of the Fab Five is that they were on the cutting edge of America's unashamed embrace of style over substance.

"When Rose ended the documentary waxing about how no one knows the names of the starters on North Carolina's 1993 national championship team and everyone remembers Rose, Webber, Howard, King and Jackson, it dawned on me the Fab Five were the original Charlie Sheen."

Jason Whitlock, writing on "Fab Five film fantasy, not documentary," on March 15 at Fox Sports

No commissions

"Songs should not be written for things, because songs designed for certain events inevitably [stink], especially when you commission them. Prince wrote a bad song when he tried to write a sports song, and he's brilliant. You and the average mortal with a keyboard and Garage Band on their laptop are doomed.

"At best, songs associated with sports should be a matter of happy coincidence and randomness. 'Chelsea Dagger' for the 2008-09 Chicago Blackhawks just sort of happened; so did the ubiquity of 'Zombie Nation,' which while annoying as hell certainly seems to have an effect on springy young drunk people in college stands. When you just let the fans glom on randomly to a song, you get Liverpool fans with tears streaming down their cheeks singing 'You'll Never Walk Alone.' Create a song for the occasion, and you get the theme to the 2010 Vancouver Games. … Or worse still, you get 'One Shining Moment.'"

Spencer Hall, writing on "NCAA Tournament's 'One Shining Moment' Should Be Destroyed" on March 16 at SB Nation

Abs not enough

"The words 'tanked' and 'bombed' have been used before to describe 'The Jersey Shore' star Mike 'The Situation' Sorrentino. But they took on new meaning Tuesday night during Comedy Central's broadcast of its celebrity roast of Donald Trump.

"The Situation bombed — or 'grenaded,' to use the Sitch's moronic parlance against him.

"In our estimation, the Situation's braggadocio-infused stillbirth of a routine make his five painful moments at the podium the worst televised comedy performance since Magic Johnson's debut opening monologue on 'The Magic Hour,' in which he said 'What's up with that?' approximately one hundred times."

John Sellers, writing on "'The Situation' Bombs at Donald Trump Roast," on March 16 at the Wrap