It is high time the tea party comes to grips with reality that, indeed, their protests of recent years and the Occupy anything protests of late are, in fact, one in the same movement.
Understandably, it drives tea partyers batty when people such as Nancy Pelosi make this comparison. This is understandable because tea partyers, by and large, bathe regularly, prefer indoor plumbing and aren't generally freeloaders.
And, of course, the very reason Mrs. Pelosi and others make the comparison is a desperate attempt to add a little class and purpose to the aimless petit criminals banging drums and stinking up McPherson Square and mooching off every municipal green from Boston to San Francisco.
But it is true: The two movements are one and the same.
Both are born of a lifeless economy so stagnant that if America were not already suffering an obesity epidemic, we would see soup lines longer than those from the Great Depression.
Both are visceral and justifiable protests against an arrogant federal government that has grown so large, crept so deeply into every corner of "free" enterprise and is so out of touch with the people it supposedly represents that it actually strips crushing taxes from honest Americans and good small businesses in order to float massive bailouts for criminals who caused the economic crisis to begin with.
The only difference between the two protests are the people themselves. And the protesters reveal everything about themselves by which protest they choose.
It is as if the two sets were twins separated at birth. One was raised modestly and taught the value of hard work, obeying the rules and saving money. The other was shipped off to a rich uncle, given everything her heart desired and instilled with a sense of boundless entitlement.
So, when things turned bad, the tea partyers gathered up their tricorn hats, gave themselves a name based in actual U.S. history and agreed on a grievance: "Taxed Enough Already." Which, conveniently, spelled TEA, as in the Boston Tea Party.
They organized online, set up chapters across the country to advance their cause and traveled far and wide to make their voices heard. Thousands gathered on the Mall. And when they left, they took all their garbage with them.
The whole problem with the Occupiers is that they overslept. By about two years. And right about when their parents were sick and tired of them stinking up their basement playing video games all day, they realized there was an economic crisis going on.
So they gathered up their tents and sleeping bags, drifted to government property, took it over as if it were their own and gave themselves a name that perfectly reflects their ideology. "Occupiers." As in Occupied Europe when it was being defiled by the Nazi Empire. The rampant anti-Semitism at their rallies has been shocking to behold, especially since these protesters profess to be the "open-minded" liberal types.
And ever since, they have been advancing their syphilitic cause, spreading disease, stealing, allegedly raping young women, leaving their trash around. And always quick to snap up any free services such as the chow line or testing for venereal diseases.
Is it any wonder we are in the mess we're in?
• Charles Hurt's column appears Wednesdays. He may be reached at email@example.com.