- The Washington Times - Wednesday, November 23, 2011

November 1621: Governor Obama of Plymouth Colony prepares for the first Thanksgiving with his scribe, the boy Jay.

“How are preparations for our Thanksgiving Day feast proceeding, young Jay? I am eager to share the blessings wrought by hope and change, and the bounty that I have brought to this needy land and its humble yet dignified people.”

“Yes, Governor, about the feast. I’m afraid we don’t have much in the way of food.”

“But I decreed a feast.”

“Yes, I remember the speech. One of your best.”

“And we have just been through Recovery Summer. Vice Governor Biden spoke at length about it.”

“At great length, yes, sir.”

“What of our stimulus measures, our grain giveaway plan, our venison buyback program, tax breaks for low-income quarter-acre subsistence farmers, the tree-sap initiative, cash for carp?”

“None of that really had an impact, Governor. Most of the programs were too complicated for people to understand, and for those who did, the benefits were only short-term.”

“What about the goat-path widening project? The Plymouth Rock demolition plan?”

“Those projects are still going on, sir, and are way over budget. But they did not help us produce any food. As it is, most of the colonists can barely provide for themselves, and a large number are in need.”

“Where’s my Turkey Czar?”

“I think he’s under indictment.”

“And the produce from Lady Obama’s garden?”

“We bought those vegetables at Whole Foods, they were just for the photo-op.”

Story Continues →