Herman Cain, the 2012 Republican presidential candidate and former Godfather’s Pizza CEO, releases his memoir, “This Is Herman Cain!: My Journey to the White House,” on Oct. 8. After winning the Florida straw poll, Mr. Cain suddenly has shot onto the national stage. This week, the List takes a tongue-in-cheek look at other noted Hermans — or variations on the name — throughout history and how if they were around today they could help Mr. Cain in his campaign for the White House.
- Herman — Means “army man,” derived from the Germanic elements hari, “army,” and man, “man.”
- Herman Melville (1819-1891) — An ideal candidate to write pithy lines for Mr. Cain’s commercials. The American author wrote the classic “Moby-Dick,” with the famed opening line: “Call me Ishmael.” Melville’s opening line for a Cain ad: “Forget the toppings, a good pizza starts with the dough. Herman Cain will bring you the dough$.”
- George Herman “Babe” Ruth (1895-1948) — OK, so it was Babe Ruth’s middle name, but with a big hitter like the Babe on his team, how could Mr. Cain lose?
- Herman’s Hermits — Bill Clinton had the rock group Fleetwood Mac singing his campaign’s signature tune, “Don’t Stop.” Mr. Cain should recruit the famous British ‘60s band Herman’s Hermits singing its 1964 hit “I’m Into Something Good.”
- Herman, the comic strip (1974-1992) — Every politician needs a sense of humor. Mr. Cain should read Jim Unger’s hilarious comic strip, which ran for 18 years in 600 newspapers in 25 countries.
- Hermann Maier(born 1972) — President George H.W. Bush had his “Terminator,” and future president Mr. Cain could have the “Herminator.” Mr. Bush named Austrian-American Arnold Schwarzenegger his health and fitness ambassador. Likewise, Mr Cain could name famed Austrian Olympic gold-medalist skier Hermann Maier, who is nicknamed the “Herminator,” in a similar role.
- Herman Wouk(born 1915) — The 96-year-old Pulitzer Prize winner is the author of several famous World War II novels, including “The Winds of War” and its sequel, “War and Remembrance,” and the appropriate “The Caine Mutiny.” A strong supporter of Israel, this Herman could revive the Middle East peace talks.
- Herman Munster, 5th Earl of Shroudshire — Don’t laugh, Herman Munster, played by Fred Gwynne in the 1960s TV show “The Munsters” would be the ideal bodyguard for Mr. Cain on the campaign trial. With his Frankenstein’s monster looks, the scary but good-natured buffoon certainly could deal with hecklers and “gotcha” journalists.
- Hermann Hesse (1877-1962) — The Nobel Prize-winning author of the classics “Steppenwolf,” “Siddhartha” and “Narcissus and Goldmund” should be able to write a good campaign speech.
- Herman Claudius van Riemsdijk (born 1948) — Every campaign needs a strategist to checkmate the opponent. Who better to teach Mr. Cain the moves than world-famous Brazilian chess master Herman Claudius van Riemsdijk, who co-authored the book “Final Countdown,” a treatise on pawn endings.
- St. Herman of Alaska (1756-1837) — Herman of Alaska was a Russian missionary to Alaska in the 18th century, when the chunk of real estate still belonged to Russia. This Herman is the ideal man to give the benediction or prayer at Mr. Cain’s inauguration.
- Pee-wee Herman(born 1952) — Need a comedian? Mr. Cain could hire Paul Reubens to stir up the crowd before his speeches.
- Herman Van Rompuy(born 1947) — If Mr. Cain has trouble understanding Europe’s latest financial mess, he should call up this Herman. The former prime minister of Belgium, Mr. Van Rompuy is the president of the European Council. He is said to be a huge Elvis Presley fan.
- Herman Cake — This sourdough coffee cake, sometimes known as the Amish Friendship Cake, will keep Mr. Cain’s campaign staff working hard. But with 775 calories and 38 grams fat per serving, it will not please first lady Michelle Obama.
- Herman Stump (1837-1917) — This Herman knew how to make a good stump speech. He went on to serve as president of the Senate in Maryland in 1880.
- Herman Boerhaave (1668-1738) — This famed Dutch physician is regarded as the founder of clinical teaching and of the modern academic hospital. He’s the ideal man to push Mr. Cain’s health care plan.
- Herman Kahn (1922-1983) — This Herman was a pre-eminent futurist and the father of “scenario planning.” Who better than this genius to predict a winner.
- Bonus material: According to a long-forgotten dead Mesopotamian scholar, “Herman” was the second name God gave to man. After Adam and Eve were expelled from the Garden of Eden, a disgruntled God often referred to Adam as “her man,” meaning Eve’s guy. And did you know that the first Her (Eve) and the first Man (Adam) produced a boy called Cain? Recent DNA results on the jawbone of an ass used in the murder of Cain’s younger brother Abel may exonerate the older brother.
Compiled, tongue-in-cheek, by John Haydon
Source: behindthename.com, cdkitchen.com and Wikipedia.
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