This college football bowl season is like a brand of Chex Mix that comes with a bunch of nuts you don’t really care to eat.
Sure, there’s a handful of enticing matchups that are worthy of your time for three or so hours. But by the time you’re done picking through to the good ones, you realize there’s not much left.
Well, there are other things to do this holiday season.
Like, go ice skating.
Or, check out all the pretty lights.
Whatever it is, there’s never been a better reason to spend some time _ some real quality time _ with your friends and family.
Believe us, you won’t be missing a thing if you tune out what will soon be running virtually nonstop on your plasma screen, in all its high-def ugliness. This is nothing more than a bunch of meaningless contests between mediocre teams, a lineup that that makes “Honey Boo Boo” look like “Downton Abbey.”
Call it Must-Miss TV.
The guys who run the system clearly take us as nothing but a bunch of suckers, willing to watch whatever drivel they put before us as long they attach the word “bowl” to some product they’re pushing.
When the complete list of bowls was finally unveiled in all its glory Sunday night, most of the attention turned to Northern Illinois, a team that somehow made the Orange Bowl after losing to Iowa (which won 33 percent of its games) and barely beating Army and Kansas (who combined for a grand total of three victories).
But let’s not take out our wrath on the … uh, hmmm … whatever their nickname is. We should actually be saluting the MAC champs, because they’re like a single minnow swimming ahead bravely to take on the BCS sharks, all while making an already ludicrous system look even sillier.
Besides, there’s plenty of bowl games that are far more objectionable than the one in Miami between the Seminoles of Florida State and the … uh, hmm … oh yeah, the Huskies, that’s it, of Northern Illinois.
The good folks of El Paso will be subjected to a Sun Bowl featuring a team with a losing record (Georgia Tech) and perhaps the most underachieving squad in all the land (USC).
The Yellow Jackets (6-7) needed a waiver from the NCAA before they could accept their invitation. The Trojans lost five times after starting the season at No. 1.
“We’re excited about a very good bowl and a great matchup,” said USC coach Lane Kiffin, who we can only assume awoke the next morning to find his nose had grown by a foot or two.