- - Tuesday, March 6, 2012

ANALYSIS/OPINION:

RAPIDAN, Va. — America, brace yourself. You are about to endure the ugliest, most shameless, truth-free presidential campaign of the television age.

There will be no escape. No child will be spared. Not a man in America will be able to hide from the sickness. No woman will remain undefiled.

And no matter how awful the outcome, Nov. 7 will be celebrated by a great national shower taken by the entire country in hopes of scrubbing away just a bit of the grime and stench of all these awful people spewing their perverted lies that will have infected us all.


Look no further than the recent squabble of the absurd over whether people living in the world’s last remaining superpower should be required to pay for their own contraceptives in the event they wish not to become pregnant. Call it the Freeloading Fornicators’ Primary.

A “college student” (actually a 30-year-old feminist activist who went to Georgetown law school expressly to change the Catholic college’s contraception rules) steps forward and lustily dives into the sordid “debate” by publicly testifying before a partisan congressional committee about her galloping sex life and how she simply cannot be required to pay for her own contraception. (Greece, here we come!)

On talk radio, somebody calls her a slut, the left goes nuts, and she becomes an overnight sensation despite keeping both feet planted on the floor the entire time.

Sensing grave injustice worthy of presidential attention — or simply channeling Bill Clinton — President Obama picked up the Oval Office silly phone and telephoned this grand specimen of America’s future to offer her words of encouragement and tell her just how proud her parents must be of her. And who wouldn’t be!

That’s right; the world is on fire, America is broke, people are stealing gasoline from one another like in scenes from “Mad Max,” and the leader of the free world freezes and for that moment is most concerned about some crazy exhibitionist who got insulted on talk radio because she wants a bunch of free rubbers.

Why, you ask, would Mr. Obama take the time to wade into such utter nonsense with so much else of far greater importance going on?

Well, the answer is simple. Mr. Obama desperately wants to win re-election, and his team has determined that women voters will determine the outcome. So, this great statesman will not fail to seize a single tawdry squabble or idiotic debate between now and the election in which to cynically pander to women.

That’s right, gone is the soaring oratory about hope and change. In its place is a bunch of gross panty rhetoric.

Craziest of all is how on earth this whole debate has been cast as some kind of titanic struggle of principle between religious zealots opposed to birth control and feminists fighting for women’s health care.

By the time Election Day rolls around, Miss Sandra Fluke will have been a nun in a convent who was raped by Mitt Romney, beaten by Newt Gingrich while Rick Santorum ripped away her contraceptives and forced her to carry the rapist spawn to full term. All the while, Rush Limbaugh, who apparently appears on the ballot in every state as the Republican candidate’s “Radio Czar,” will have stood by cheering and calling her “slut.”

Truth is, it’s not about any such high principle. It is all about a loafer college student who doesn’t feel like shelling out her own money to pay for her sexual pursuits and really would like her school, taxpayers, the church — anybody other than herself — to pay for it.

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