- Associated Press - Tuesday, April 23, 2013

The next time Luis Suarez gets the urge to sink his teeth into an opponent, let’s hope his victim is someone other than Branislav Ivanovic.

Because finding words that rhyme with the Serbian defender’s name is tricky.

Spinach? Twitch? Stitch?

Inventing suitably humorous chants to poke fun at the Liverpool striker is going to test football’s wittier fans. But if there was ever an absurd, ridiculous and laughable story that cried out for their creative and poetic talents, then Suarez biting Ivanovic’s arm in the Premier League on Sunday was it.


My best effort so far _ “He’s red, he’s white, he really likes to bite, Luis Suarez, Luis Suarez.”

Too obvious.

“Red is his color, Dracula’s the name, with his sharp little fangs, he puts you off your game.”

Could be catchier.

“He got the itch, in the middle of the pitch, for a taste of Ivanovic …”

Definitely not.

Still, be thankful for small mercies. The Liverpool striker could have munched instead on Cesar Azpilicueta, Ivanovic’s partner in the Chelsea defense. Shakespeare himself would have struggled to make a playful ditty with that name.

With luck, we will not see Suarez in a Liverpool jersey again this season. Hopefully, the Football Association will this week hand him a ban so long that stadium crowds the length and breadth of England have all summer to perfect funny songs they can joyfully direct at Suarez next season.

Nothing really nasty or _ dare I say it _ horribly biting.

But a suitable degree of public ridicule that will drive home to Suarez that he has made an absolute donkey of himself, again.

Suarez previously served a seven-game suspension for biting another player in the Dutch league in 2010.

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