Only a politician could take the world's oldest profession and turn it into something so raunchy, debased and disgusting.
For all of time, prostitution has lurked around darkened street corners and Vegas barrooms where at least children and the respectable are shielded from it.
Then along comes New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer, the great vanquisher of Wall Street misdeeds and keeper of the public trust. The protector of all that is right and good.
That was Eliot Spitzer by day. By night, he was Client No. 9 in his skin-tight black socks.
As Client No. 9, he introduced Gotham — along with anyone who had access to a television or newspaper or radio or Internet — to the nasty, sordid world of high-priced sluttery along the Acela corridor between his home cave in New York and Washington, that blinking siren that draws all politicians like moths to a flame.
We got to hear all about the calf-length black socks he refused to take off. And other sleeves he refused to pull on. How different hookers had to handle him differently. And the furtive room key hand-offs at the Mayflower Hotel.
Parents — literally — had to hide the morning newspapers from their children.
But now the sick twitch is back. Running for New York City comptroller is Client No. 9, the man who could not even "comptrol" what was going on in his own pants.
First, he must get the requisite signatures. "I am going to be on the street corners," he warned the women and children of NYC. And reports indicate that innocent bystanders flee when they see him coming.
Public service, Client No. 9 tells us, is the "most satisfying thing ever for me."
I don't know if he is lying or just seriously twisted in the head. But the fact that we, the innocent public, have to hear such statements and wonder what the dirty creep is talking about is grounds alone for him to be barred from public life. Of course, he did host a show on CNN, which is synonymous with being hidden from the public.
Client No. 9 slithers into the sewer of New York campaigning with another politician whose egomaniacal and lecherous habits have scarred the innocent public. It wasn't enough for Anthony D. Weiner to just take pornographic pictures of himself. He had to send them around to people. He had to send them to people he hardly knew. And he had to send them to people who clearly did not want them, which is how he got caught.
And when asked, Mr. Weiner admitted he could not even be sure that he had NOT sent the pornographic pictures he took of himself to under-age children. Yes, this is the same dirtbag who introduced the KIDS (Keeping the Internet Devoid of Sexual Predators) Act of 2007. Mr. Weiner is angling to be the next "America's Mayor."
Rounding out this field of degenerates running for public office in New York is one Kristin Davis. In a happy coincidence, she is running for comptroller, too, and also just so happens to have been Mr. Spitzer's preferred pimp.
This is a woman who dedicated her life to keeping a sleazy profession from polluting the public domain. And she served time on Rikers Island for it. Eliot Spitzer is a man who is so out of control that he could not help but to drag the whole sordid, nasty mess out to stink up the public square.
I would pick the pimp over the politician any day.
• Charles Hurt can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org or on Twitter @charleshurt.