Big Apple Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg and his band of rabid gun snatchers have targeted their victims, taken them hostage and will start bumping them off one by one. Time for negotiation has passed.
Democratic Sens. Mark L. Pryor of Arkansas, Max Baucus of Montana, Mark Begich of Alaska and Heidi Heitkamp of North Dakota have all been targeted by Bloomy and his crew. No matter how fast they dodge and weave, they cannot escape the laser scope's red dot.
Their crime: Each one faithfully adhered to the wishes of the voters back in their states who sent them to Washington to represent them. The senators stood up and thwarted the naked, partisan and heartless attempt by their party's leaders to exploit 20 dead children from Sandy Hook Elementary to advance their own political designs.
The four Democrats — like common-sense gun owners everywhere — oppose legislation to add pointless new burdens on law-abiding gun owners that, everyone agrees, would have done absolutely nothing to prevent the horrific massacre carried out in Connecticut by a lunatic who never should have had a gun in the first place.
But, politicians being politicians, Bloomy and his crew could not let such an outpouring of grief go to waste. Powerless to prevent such horror, they had to look like they were doing something. That is how they get themselves elected again and again. And, yet, again, if you are Nanny Bloomberg. These politicians cannot abide the notion that there is any ailment out there for which the government is not the cure.
And even if they fail, they can use the event and those 20 dead children to remind people that they really want everyone to think that they love children. And they can say that their political opponents do not like children. All because their opponents do not wish to exploit 20 dead children to advance some half-witted political agenda.
This, of course, has caused frenzied alarm deep inside the bowels of Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid's office. Not that Mr. Reid believes in protecting lawmakers for keeping faithful to their constituents or finds it odious to exploit 20 dead children. His only concern is keeping his tenuous grip on power. Losing those four members of his party could be the difference between maintaining control of the Senate and losing it to surging Republicans.
"How does hurting Mark Pryor help them?" a worried Senate Democrat told Politico. "I just don't see how it gets them where they want to go."
Operatives from Mr. Reid's office huddled with Bloomy's crew of gun snatchers to beg mercy for Mr. Pryor and others who hold the keys to their power. "It didn't work," according to Politico.
Adding to the confused agony is that the very tactics Bloomy's gun snatchers are using against Democrats were designed, deployed and mastered by Democrats themselves.
Mr. Pryor's voters in Arkansas, for instance, have been extensively profiled and divvied up by race. Radio ads will now be aired targeting black voters, on whom Democrats rely — at least on Election Day.
Without these racially profiled voters, Bloomy's top gun snatcher told Politico, "Mark Pryor doesn't have a prayer of getting re-elected." Cue evil laughter and drumming of fingertips together.
Indeed, strange and sordid bedfellows politics does make. But at least these people all deserve each other. It's just too bad they keep dragging those 20 little angels into their sick games.
• Charles Hurt can be reached at email@example.com or on Twitter@charleshurt.