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YES, LET’S PRETEND

New Yorker contributor and comedian Andy Borowitz had some fun with Obamacare for his latest parody:

“Faced with a barrage of new questions about the Affordable Care Act, President Obama cut short a White House news conference today, telling the stunned press corps, ‘You know what? Everybody can keep their damn insurance.’

“Glaring at the reporters, the president continued, ‘You heard me. If your insurance is crappy, then you just go ahead and keep it — the crappier, the better. Let’s pretend this whole thing never happened.”

LET’S NOT PRETEND

“The bottom has fallen out for everyone in the nation’s political leadership,” says National Journal editorial director Ron Brownstein, on revealing the news organization’s dismal findings in the latest Heartland Monitor Poll.

What with a government shutdown, hair-raising federal debt, Obamacare chaos and a sluggish economy, “Americans aren’t feeling much holiday cheer about the country’s direction or anyone setting it,” Mr. Brownstein says.

And the numbers: 55 percent disapprove of President Obama’s job performance, 38 percent approve — the worst findings in the 19 times the poll has asked the question. And Congress. Well, Congress. Fully 84 percent of the respondents disapprove, 9 percent approve — which is down from 20 percent a year ago.

“Other measures continued to produce consistently grim verdicts,” Mr. Brownstein says. “Just 23 percent said Obama’s agenda would increase opportunity for people like them to get ahead, while 47 percent said it would diminish their opportunities; 25 percent said it would have no impact.”

The poll also found that just 34 percent of the respondents said Obama’s economic policies had helped “to avoid an even worse economic crisis, and are fueling economic recovery”; 52 percent said instead he has “run up a record federal deficit while failing to significantly improve the economy.”

THE THANKSGIVING REPORT

For those nervously tweaking their grocery store lists, Thanksgiving is a mere 216 hours away, give or take a panicked moment or two. To distract earnest Inside the Beltway readers who must wrangle dinner on a personal level, we will offer official insight as the big day looms.

And now, the Pie Report:

Ninety-percent of Americans will include pie at their Thanksgiving dinner, says Pillsbury, which ought to know. Two-thirds will serve pumpkin pie. Regional tastes? In the Northeast, 56 percent will serve apple. In the South, however, 43 percent will feature pecan pie. Pillsbury polled nearly 3,000 people to determine these results, and suggest that “Salted Caramel Pecan Pie” is this year’s newfangled recipe of choice for the T-Day table.

And for sweet potato pie fans, the company, of course, offers multiple recipes for the sumptuous favorite. Yankee Candle ups the ante; the company offers, yes, limited edition Sweet Potato Pie scented candles, which the company deems “a crave-worthy delight.”

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