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Here in the utopia of pot-smoking America, we are already a country without borders. Well, actually, there are borders. It is where foreigners go when they wish to cross into America.

When you get here, walk up to the nearest law “enforcement” official and you will be taken in, no matter your age, status of health or criminal background. Just come as you are.

In fact, the more nightmarish the baggage you bring along, the better!

Raped along the way? Contracted scabies? Fleeing drug warlords? All the better! And what could be more catastrophic than bleeding out of your eyes and ears and nose with Ebola!

Here in America, we don’t have the selfish immigration policies that every other country on the planet has. We don’t craft our immigration policies to make America a better place for Americans. No, it is our policy to make America better for everybody else — so long as they are not currently American citizens. America stands for solving all the world’s problems, mainly by bringing all those problems here.

As the Statue of Liberty calls to the world: “Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!

“Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!”

Charles Hurt can be reached at, and on Twitter @charleshurt.