First, it's important that you know I think President Obama was born in the United States. I also think he may be the love child of the television character Mrs. Jessica Fletcher of "Murder, She Wrote."
Think about it: Wherever Mrs. Fletcher went, someone ended up dead. Wherever Mr. Obama goes, a part of America gets punched in the face, falls into a coma or dies. Oh, sure, both characters seem nice enough, but inviting either to dinner (or to run the country) portends something disastrous.
When Mr. Obama received the Nobel Peace Prize for waking up one morning, we should have known it would invite chaos. They give him the prize, he lobs missiles into Libya, loses Afghanistan and Iraq and Libya to al Qaeda, sides with a tyrant against the Egyptian people, and draws a faux "red line" for Syria (did he hear it in a movie?), managing to make Bashar Assad even more powerful than he was before.
Ask the Syrian people (those who haven't been gassed to death yet), what they think of Mr. Obama's foreign-policy prowess.
Recently, a Reuters report wondered if the Japan-China relationship was "at its worst." Well, if Mr. Obama's track record continues, it will be soon.
The White House has announced the president will visit Japan, South Korea, Malaysia and the Philippines in April. This is like having Mrs. Fletcher over for a banquet. Then asking her to stay the night. Seriously, it's time to pray for the entire region.
When Mr. Obama said he was going to fundamentally transform the United States of America, anyone who understood leftist history knew to take him seriously.
History shows us that leftists don't like success, happiness or stability, so unfortunately for us, the hope and change the president had in mind was more in the liberal wheelhouse of hoping for things would change the worse. Boy, what a success he's been.
During his presidency, the downward spiral of America has been so swift Mr. Obama must be hearing that whistling sound familiar until now only to Wile E. Coyote as he plunges off the cliff.
Being dubbed "President Downgrade" after presiding over the nation's first credit downgrade in history would have been bad for any president, but for Mr. Obama, it's not bad enough, as he works diligently for the more appropriate sobriquet "President Crash and Burn."
Just this week, Reporters Without Borders released its 2014 World Press Freedom rankings, revealing U.S. press freedom crashing under the Obama regime.
In the 21st century, the nation that was the first to define and implement freedom of the press as a fundamental principle of a free people, is now ranked 46th in the world. As The Wire so perceptibly put it, "Of the 180 countries ranked, the home of the First Amendment now sits snuggled between Romania and Haiti."
It's not just freedom of speech that's being bundled off to a hospice. The 2014 Index of Economic Freedom was released just last month, revealing the United States has dropped from the Top 10 freest economies.
In its report, the Heritage Foundation attributes this shocking development to "particularly large losses in property rights, freedom from corruption, and control of government spending. ... Substantial expansion in the size and scope of government, including through new and costly regulations in areas like finance and health care, has contributed significantly to the erosion of U.S. economic freedom."
The National Review reminds us when Mr. Obama took office in 2009, we were the sixth-freest economy. Now? We're 12th.
Even Mr. Obama's signature health care law isn't immune from the curse of his own involvement. This week, we saw him unilaterally implement the 27th delay of a significant part of the law.
In giving medium-sized businesses another year to comply with Obamacare requirements, he insisted it was to let them have more time to adjust. So four years' advance notice isn't enough? Obamacare is on life-support. Score another one for Mrs. Fletcher.
It's fascinating how so many people still give the leftist agenda the benefit of the doubt, especially liberals and people of color who are so negatively affected by Mr. Obama's economic folly.
That shouldn't surprise us, though. Mrs. Fletcher never seemed bothered by her penchant for attracting bad news, and remained the most loved resident of Cabot Cove, despite the pile of bodies in her wake.
For Americans who think collapsing economic and press freedom rankings, chaos in the international arena, and bizarre commitment to bloated and failed federal projects is the "new normal," think again.
I have a suggestion: Let's replace the President Crash and Burn crowd with politicians who actually like the country and are committed to elevating America by reminding us that we are the children of George Washington, Abraham Lincoln and Ronald Reagan.
We simply refuse to be condemned to Banana Republic status. At the end of every "Murder, She Wrote" episode, the crime was solved, and the bad guy was banished. Let's make sure the same happens here.
Tammy Bruce is a radio talk-show host, New York Times best-selling author and Fox News political contributor.