- - Monday, July 21, 2014

Russia will reportedly conduct the investigation on the shooting down of Malaysia Airlines Flight 17. The report of Moscow’s findings will probably read something like this: “The results of an extensive investigation have proven without a doubt a lieutenant was to blame for the shooting down of the airliner. He was arrested. Unfortunately, interviews will not be possible, because he was shot while trying to escape.”

Translation: A lieutenant drew the short straw in the blame contest, so we shot him to avoid any confusion with the results of the investigation.

The announcement will likely be reminiscent of what I used to call the Cold War three-step for some of the leaders of what was the Soviet Union. First announcement: “The general secretary has caught a cold.” Second announcement: “The cold has gotten worse.” Third announcement: “He died.”

RON WOOTTERS

Lambertville, N.J.