Cows have an excuse for rude behavior. They have an extra stomach, where microbes break down food and cause natural fermentation. Methane is a by-product.
This White House is particularly addicted to fantastical solutions to problems we never knew we had, so here’s a modest solution to the methane crisis. It solves two crises at once, eliminating excessive methane and creating jobs.
A large bureaucracy could be built to deal with the impolite cows, the bureau of Bovine Unified Rancid Proclivities, or BURP, in the bureaucratic lexicon.
Hundreds of thousands of environmentalists, layabouts avoiding useful work, would be tasked as counselors to the cows, to persuade them to mind their manners. Bossy and Elsie and the other contented cows in the barn might never be entirely housebroken.
Congressmen, climate scientists and academics pump more methane into the air than any cow ever could, and like cows, have never learned to mind their manners. But we would get another large bureaucracy, and isn’t BURP what Washington is all about?
Wesley Pruden is editor emeritus of The Washington Times.