- Deseret News - Wednesday, March 2, 2016

It’s 7 a.m. Do you know what your millennial child is eating?

It’s probably not corn flakes.

A recent survey of millennials found that 40 percent of them don’t eat boxed cereal because they find it too difficult to clean up.

You read that right. According to the British research firm Mintel, American adults born between 1982 and 2004 cannot bring themselves to perform the soul-crushingly onerous task of washing a bowl and spoon.

As Kim Severson of The New York Times reported, many millennials are skipping breakfast altogether, or consuming smoothies, yogurt or breakfast sandwiches, which don’t require nearly as much effort.

This suggests that millennials may be the laziest generation ever and may account for the quarter of Americans who get no exercise at all. (Another quarter exercise some, but not enough to meet the standards recommended by the government.) Exercise, of course, requires significant exertion to break the surly bonds of Newton’s first law.

It seems that in a smackdown between millennials and baby boomers, the boomers would easily win the crown joules.

Let’s see how they fare.

One study found that millennials and Gen X’ers belong to health clubs and gyms in large numbers, but they’re less likely to go there than older members.

“The report most notably finds that health club members tend to be between the ages of 18-44, but that the most active users are over the age of 35. Meanwhile, members 35 and older visited their club 20-50 percent more often than members under 35, on average,” the International Health, Racquet & Sportsclub Association said in a news release. “Among nonmember users, adults over the age of 55 visited health clubs far more frequently than those in younger generations.”

Point, boomers. But wait.

Writing in the AARP magazine, Sarah Mahoney said once-buff boomers have gone from fit to fat. “Don’t take my word for it,” she said. “JAMA Internal Medicine recently revealed that boomers are far less fit than their parents were at the same age and are more likely to have diabetes or high blood pressure. Today just 35 percent of boomers exercise regularly; 52 percent have no routine.”

Point, millennials.

The Wall Street Journal, however, called young runners “the slowest generation” in Kevin Helliker’s 2013 ode to “Team Geriatric.”

“Old-timers are suggesting that performance-related apathy among young amateur athletes helps explain why America hasn’t won an Olympic marathon medal since 2004,” Helliker wrote.

Point, boomers.

Then there’s Meb.

Mebrahtom Keflezighi, who turns 41 in May, will be the oldest U.S. Olympic runner in history when he tackles the marathon in Rio de Janeiro this August, according to Sports Illustrated.

True, he finished behind a millennial, Galen Rupp, at the trials. (But only by a minute.)

And, true, born in 1975, he’s not technically a boomer.

But Meb finished ahead of the third person on the U.S. team, Jared Ward, proving that he (and others on Team Geriatric), deserve to be on the front of that cereal box so many millennials won’t deign to open.

Boomers win. Millennials, your move.

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