- The Washington Times - Monday, August 28, 2000

The Dodgers have kissed and made up with the two lesbians.

Kissing, incidentally, is what prompted the misunderstanding between the two lesbians and the Dodgers earlier this month.

Baseball and the forces of political correctness collided after the two lesbians shared a deep kiss during the seventh inning of a game involving the Dodgers and Cubs.

This display of affection apparently caused discomfort among the fans sitting near the couple, as one complaint led to another until stadium security felt compelled to remove the offending tongues from the premises.

People can be funny around highly active tongues, even highly active heterosexual tongues, as Al and Tipper Gore could attest.

Their tongues set tongues wagging on both sides of the political spectrum.

Kissing is not against the law, not even in La La Land, so the kissing lesbians did what most self-respecting Americans do after someone has infringed on their pursuit of happiness: They hired an attorney to file a civil-rights lawsuit against the Dodgers.

Lesbians attend all kinds of sporting events, notably those held under the banner of the WNBA and LPGA, and studies show their dollars stretch as far as anyone else's.

Dodgers president Bob Graziano, after examining this fundamental economic principle and weighing it against the legal fight and bad publicity ahead, made things right last week.

Graziano resolved the crisis by issuing a public apology to the couple, pledging to donate 5,000 tickets to gay and lesbian organizations over the next three seasons and instituting a sensitivity-training program for employees.

Gay and lesbian organizations have been solicited to inspect the sensitivity-training sessions, if only to make certain no wrongheaded thoughts intrude on the proceedings.

Hopefully, if an employee of the Dodgers ever witnesses a same-sex couple exchanging a wet kiss or a hug or even a pat on the fanny, as same-sex ballplayers often do, the person will experience a rush of positive feelings.

"We wanted to send a strong message that everyone is welcome to Dodger Stadium and subject to equal treatment," Graziano told the Los Angeles Times.

The message, however well-meaning, might raise an objection or two among those practicing heterosexuals who bring a child to a game.

Believe it or not, some people, gays and heterosexuals alike, go to a baseball game to revel in its symmetry and statistical trivia. They do not go to a game to hold an impromptu sexuality lesson with their little ones. There is a time and place for that, and a baseball game is not necessarily the time and place.

A 6-4-3 double play in the field does not lend itself to a discourse on kissing lesbians in the stands, although you could argue they reached first base. That is 1B if you're keeping score at home.

As it turns out, one of the lesbians is a mini-celebrity of sorts, although not on a scale of Anne Heche or Ellen DeGeneres, who, unfortunately, have hit a rocky patch in their relationship.

Graziano insists he has not seen any of the Oscar-deserving flicks starring Nico Treasures, who also answers to her birth name of Meredith Kott.

Treasures, who is no longer in the X-rated movie business, has appeared in such pictures as "Maui Waui" and "Passion For Pink A Lesbian Love Tale."

Until a few years ago, Treasures was billed as a Bette Midler lookalike with a hard body and fun-loving personality.

"My background is totally irrelevant to what's going on," Treasures/Kott said. "My lover or I could have been a former nun, and it wouldn't have mattered."

Nuns, as a general rule, do not usually succumb to the throes of passion at a ballgame, and two tongues don't make a right, at least not at a G-rated ballgame.

Most human beings, if not all, are pro-tongue and only oppose a tongue if it undermines the quality of their family entertainment.

This, of course, is a tricky area for a tongue, as the Dodgers, the two lesbians and the fans around the lesbians have learned.

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