- The Washington Times - Saturday, December 9, 2000

Noble: Circuit Court Judge N. Sanders Sauls, for using Solomonic wisdom to sweep away Al Gore's bid to overturn the Florida election by lawsuit.

Judge Sauls dismissed Al Gore's charges in the same way that Crazy Horse did those of George Armstrong Custer, finding that "The evidence does not establish any illegality, dishonesty, gross negligence, improper influence, coercion or fraud in the balloting and counting process."

It was a win of Grisham-like proportion for Mr. Bush, (suggested title of the presumptive novel, "The Judgment"). Even the New York Times admitted, "Judge Sauls' decision … was so broad a refutation of the vice president's contest of the election that it stunned lawyers from both sides."

Other commentators were even more candid. Chris Matthews opined, "This judge has just blown the Gore case out the window," CNN's Jeff Greenfield added, "There was no good news for Al Gore, other than his lawyers were not jailed for contempt." Geraldo Rivera told his audience, "The circuit court has just whacked Al Gore. He is down and almost out."

Not that any of this has stopped Forrest Gore from running with more appeals, in the hope that lawsuits are like a box of chocolates (you never know what you are going to get). Yet Judge Sauls upheld the law in such a clear and convincing manner that even the seven dwarves of justice on Florida's Supreme Court may have difficulty reviving Mr. Gore's slumbering chances for the presidency.

Knaves: The up to 5,000 felons in Florida who voted their conviction for Al Gore in the presidential election.

In a survey of nearly half-a-million ballots, reporters from the Miami Herald discovered that "445 Florida felons voted illegally on Nov. 7," including, "62 robbers, 56 drug dealers, 45 killers, 16 rapists and seven kidnappers." Herald reporters also found that, "At least two who voted are pictured on the state's online registry of sexual offenders." Nearly 75 percent of the felons were registered Democrats.

Most of the known errors occurred in Palm Beach and Duval counties, which deigned to participate in a statewide effort to clean up voting lists. "We took a very laid-back approach," Dick Carlberg, the Duval County assistant supervisor of elections told Herald investigators, "We just asked them (probable felons) if they were felons and if they were ever convicted of a felony. If they said no, we took their word for it and changed them back to legal voters."

The estimate of 5,000 felonious ballots may actually be low, since according to felon William Herman, "There are a ton of us out there. It shouldn't be that way, but when they give you a voter registration card, hey, what are you supposed to do?"

Presumably, you are to vote for a Democrat.

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