“Come See Us We’ll Improve Your Looks.”
Or so U.S. senators are promised on a billboard outside Senate Hair Care, located in the Senate Russell Office Building.
The hallowed halls of Congress are still abuzz over the date that House Rules Committee Chairman Rep. David Dreier of California brought to the White House Correspondents’ Dinner on Saturday night.
No less than Bo Derek, the perfect 10.
Some members of Congress have Lockheed Martin or Boeing in their districts. Rep. Louise M. Slaughter, New York Democrat, has 8-year-old David Kane.
“I have designed a car for the U.S. Army,” the second-grader wrote to the congresswoman, asking if she’d mind being a go-between with the Pentagon. “It is very fast and I bet it is the olny [sic] car with missiles.”
David included a detailed illustration of his “F2000 Road Rocket,” featuring a missile launcher, bazooka and parachute.
“I think this car will be useful for the Army because it is fast and dodges things easly [sic], but it will have an [sic] tendency to roll over,” the youngster cautioned.
At the bottom of his illustration, he wrote: “Let the Army design the inside.”
Mrs. Slaughter, faithful servant to the constituency that she is, sent the youngster’s illustration to Army Secretary Louis Caldera, writing in her own letter, “Thank you for your attention to his design plan.”
In the opinion of the distinguished Democratic senator from West Virginia, Robert C. Byrd, fellow lawmakers and the press need to “take the old math, take the new math, whatever math you want to take, it all comes out the same.”
In other words, he remains sick and tired of hearing the American people handed “all of this flimflam” about 2000 being the first year of the 21st century.
“There are 100 years in every century,” educates Mr. Byrd, “and 1,000 years in every millennium. We are today in the last year of the 20th century.”
The senator’s lesson goes for you, too, President Clinton.
“I was invited down to the White House a few days before the beginning of the new year,” Mr. Byrd reveals. “I don’t go down very often. I don’t get invited down as much as I used to, but it doesn’t bother me… . I got tired of going down there.
“I must say they were very kind to invite me down to what I think they called the New Millennium party,” he says. “I said to my fine staff person, you tell that nice lady that the new millennium hasn’t begun yet, and it won’t begin until the year 2001, January.”
Hats off to Sen. Robert G. Torricelli, New Jersey Democrat, for bravely rising this week and pronouncing, er, recognizing “Shitama Manzo Sensei and Takaki Masanori Sensei of the Seikiryukan Dojo upon the occasion of their visit to the United States.
“As the 16th headmaster of Sosuishi-ryu Jujutsu and kancho of the Seikiryukan, Shitama Manzo Sensei with the aid of Takaki Masanori Sensei, chief instructor of the Seikiryukan, have provided exemplary leadership of the instruction of Jujutsu.”
Mr. Torricelli saw fit to add that the “Seikiryukan Dojo has a history dating back centuries as the bombu of Sosuishi-ryu Jujutsu.”
Translation: The Seikiryukan Dojo is dedicated to the ethical and physical principles that compose the martial arts of jujutsu (the art of weaponless fighting employing holds, throws and paralyzing blows to subdue or disable an opponent) and judo (developed from jujutsu, emphasizes quick movement and leverage to throw an opponent).
The Seikiryukan Dojo was one of the first martial arts schools in Japan to teach the U.S. military jujutsu and judo.
New Zealand’s Green Party, which has seven legislators in the minority center-left of the Parliament, is calling for the nation’s Cabinet ministers to turn in their official cars for bicycles to reduce greenhouse gas emissions and energy consumption.
Could such a proposal ever fly with the Clinton Cabinet?
“The visual alone slays me,” says Christopher Horner, counsel to the Cooler Heads Coalition of the Competitive Enterprise Institute. “Reno, Browner, Shalala, oh my. Reminiscent of the Monty Python skit in which a roving gang of granny-toughs on scooters terrorize the populace.”