- The Washington Times - Monday, May 8, 2000

I'm going to take it one thought at a time today:

Chris Webber catches an alley-oop pass with one hand and slams the ball through the cylinder in Game 5 of the Kings-Lakers series. His team is dealing with a double-digit deficit at the time, barely putting up resistance, destined to be embarrassed.

So what does Webber do after making a nice play? He lets everyone know that he is a very bad man, although he is not nearly the bad man that he thinks he is. He does one of his slow dance numbers after the dunk, with the requisite tough-guy pose, and that is about it for Webber and the Kings.

Here's the thing: Webber probably was voted the toughest guy in his senior class at Detroit Country Day High School in Beverly Hills, Mich. But let's be honest. He was going against guys named Oliver, Randolph and Biff.

Meanwhile, Webber, after seven seasons in the NBA, is still looking to lead a team past the first round of the playoffs. His career record in the playoffs: 4-12.

Mike Tedesco, from the land of cappuccino and Bill Gates, writes: "Although it is true that Jason Williams has a shady past, he has worked hard to clean up his image and become a respectable player in the NBA. Yours was one of the most unprofessional, whiny articles that I have ever read. You stepped over the line and made no sense."

Response: I'll take Gary Payton on his worst night over Jason Williams on his best night.Teams used to win one for the Gipper. Now they win one for Superman or Sitting Bull.

When Reggie Miller warms up in a Superman T-shirt before a game or at halftime, you know it's over. The same can be said when the Zen master employs warpath drums at practice to motivate the Lakers.

Teams used to win one for the Gipper. Now they win one for Superman or Sitting Bull.

The NCAA's plantation owners, who only work to preserve the flow of Benjamins, have come out against the Confederate flag that flies atop the Statehouse dome in Columbia, S.C.

They probably would not be so socially conscious if the Confederate flag flew atop a building in a huge TV market, like the Empire State Building.

In his search to find the next coach of the Wizards, Michael Jordan apparently is interviewing everyone from his days with the Bulls. On the other hand, Mike Jarvis, who has no connection to the Bulls, has been interviewed for the job by everyone but Jordan.

The Knicks and Heat are renewing their dysfunctional rivalry, symbolized by Jeff Van Ankle Weight. The Knicks coach could win 10 championships, but he always will be remembered as the two-legged Chihuahua who hopped aboard Alonzo Mourning's ankle.

Maurice Marsolais of Fairfax writes: "The NCAA is getting to be like the Internal Revenue Service, the Drug Enforcement Administration, the Occupational Safety and Health Administration and the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms. We have a monster in our midst."

Response: The monster is so out of touch that it now investigates whether one of its indentured servants accepted gratuities as an infant.

Karl Malone has surrendered to a shaved pate, which raises serious truth-in-advertising concerns about his relationship with Rogaine.

Football players who celebrate after scoring a meaningless touchdown have something in common with Chris Webber.

Maybe it's a Country Day-like thing and you're not supposed to understand.

Mike Tyson on Mike Tyson: "I'm just Mike Tyson and I'm just gradually working myself back up. I'm humble, but I'm still ferocious and ruthless."

That should serve as a warning to Lennox Lewis to cover his ears if he ever decides to step into the ring against Tyson.

Reggie Miller unveiled a variation of the chicken dance after hitting a 3-pointer against the 76ers in Game 1, but at least in his case, the Pacers had a big lead and the outcome of the game no longer was in doubt.

It's a good thing Miller can shoot the ball, because he never could make it with a dance troupe. Miller is hardly the only rhythm-challenged player in the NBA. A rhythmless Chris Webber and Vlade Divac are featured in a promotional spot for the NBA.

And finally, history is the big winner as Mike Tyson involves Alexander the Great and Al Capone in his comeback strategy.

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