- The Washington Times - Tuesday, November 21, 2000

Chad counting

Our thanks to Shawn McBurney, director of government relations for Citizens Against Government Waste, for clipping this "illuminating" statement by Gore campaign manager Donna Brazile, which comes on the heels of the famous quote we cited earlier by former Soviet dictator Josef Stalin: "The people who vote decide nothing. The people who count the vote decide everything."
Said Miss Brazile: "Al Gore won the popular vote. I did my job. I did get that vote out. Unfortunately, I didn't get to count it."

139 confessions

Like vice-presidential candidate Sen. Joseph I. Lieberman, we mix a little religion with our politics every so often.
To that end, in his homily on Sunday afternoon, the Rev. Stefan Starzynski, assistant pastor of St. Mary's Catholic Church in Alexandria, explained to his flock that he had been vacationing of all times and in all precincts in West Palm Beach, Fla.
"I told the lawyer sitting next to me on the airplane, wouldn't it be ironic if we crashed, and the headline would read: '139 lawyers and one Catholic priest on board.' "

Senior moments

"Of all places not to expect political commentary," says our Florida stringer, Greg C., who stopped by Miami Jai Alai Saturday afternoon and overheard a rather telling exchange:
"Two elderly women were seated in a no-smoking area, a prominent 'No Smoking' sign next to them. One of them stopped an equally elderly man and said, 'Is there a no-smoking area?' The guy looked at the sign, looked at them, pointed to the sign and said, 'You must be from Palm Beach,' and walked off."

New armpit

Our apologies to readers in the Garden State for having observed that Her Majesty's government, due to the ongoing crisis surrounding the U.S. presidential election, presented the White House with a Notice of Revocation of Independence, resuming monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories "including New Jersey."
"Having lived in New Jersey for a period of time, I am aware of the periodic jokes," reacts reader Dick Tracey. "However, in this case, don't you believe it would have been more appropriate had she said she would resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories, including Florida?
"I think Florida has earned the right to replace New Jersey."

Interactive TV

With a simple click of a remote control, younger generations will be more involved and perhaps even cast votes in future presidential elections.
Republican pollster Frank Luntz tells this column emerging interactive television technology, available by the time Al Gore or George W. Bush (or both) are up for re-election in 2004, will radically transform the way voters interact with candidates for public office.
"It's no longer sufficient for politicians to speak and voters to listen," says the pollster. "Just as e-mail has revolutionized the way we communicate with each other, t-mail will revolutionize the way we watch and interact with our television. Politics will never be the same."

Wipe your feet

Just in time for the Yuletide shopping season, Diplomat Inc., the company that brought us "Hillary Doormats," has proposed adding the "GOREmat" to its line of products.
Business manager Pat Biss tells Inside the Beltway the durable polyester mat would feature Al Gore's smiling mug and a choice of Goreisms: "I invented the Electoral College," or "I'm a big fan of doing it by hand."

Turkey carving

Turkeys will be carved tomorrow near the White House: Brasserie Les Halles on Pennsylvania Avenue is offering a free Thanksgiving turkey-carving clinic at 1:30 p.m.
Les Halles' executive chef, Frenchman Eric Krempp, is purportedly the man with the cure for Turkus Carvus Phobus, or TCP, which reportedly causes millions of Americans to balk at hosting the traditional Thanksgiving dinner.

One of 58

The 450-member staff of the Four Seasons Hotel in Georgetown is celebrating after once again earning the AAA Five Diamond Award for 2001.

The Four Seasons is the only Washington hotel ever to have received the Five Diamond distinction the 12th consecutive year although the newly opened Ritz-Carlton is aiming to become the second Washington hotel recognized at this time next year.

Of tens of thousands of lodgings, only 58 earned Five Diamond recognition from AAA this year.

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