- The Washington Times - Monday, January 8, 2001

Aliens among us

The Census Bureau certainly was surprised in recent days when the population of the United States turned out to be 6 million more than what the bureau's own demographers estimated just three months ago.

Why the suddenly higher numbers?

"I am a pastor of a Spanish-speaking church in Rowel, Georgia," Jack R. Jones, of Woodstock, Ga., informs Inside the Beltway, "where I happened to be visiting one night during the time of the census in our area.

"I was visiting a large apartment complex, which over the past five years or more has been converted into a Latin American ghetto, where five to 10 or more men usually share an apartment. There are multiple families living in single two-bedroom apartments as well," he notes.

"I was appalled to learn on this night that the apartment was being used by a [charity] organization to instruct 'los indocumentados' how to fill out census forms. I asked the leader [name withheld] why they were doing this and was informed that this would indeed help our community receive a larger share of federal tax dollars.

"I am told that we actually have in Georgia something less that one million 'indocumentados.' I do not know how many of these actually were persuaded to fill out census forms, but at least at this location I can attest to the fact that a good number were persuaded to be counted."

The Census Bureau has set the U.S. population at 281,421,906, a 13.2 percent increase in the past 10 years.

Leasing to Dubya

Moving vans are pulling up to the White House, where the mansion's staff are busy boxing up the personal effects of President and Mrs. Clinton for what will be at least a four-year absence for the couple.

Of course, should the Clintons ever return to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., it shall be Hillary Rodham Clinton wearing the boots, with her husband relegated to the Washington spouses' club.

As for Mr. Clinton's administration, the Capitalist Conservatives have helped us summarize the president's two tumultuous terms in the White House. Somewhere in it all (and by no means is this list complete) is a legacy:

• Whitewatergate

• Cattlegate

• Nannygate

• Helicoptergate

• Haircutgate

• Travelgate

• Gennifer Flowersgate

• Filegate

• Vince Fostergate

• I Wonder Where Those Whitewater Billing Records Came Fromgate

• Joycelyn Elders Masturbategate

• Paula Jonesgate

• Federal Building Campaign Phonecallgate

• Lincoln Bedroomgate

• White House Coffeegate

• Drug Dealer Donationsgate

• Buddhist Templegate

• Web Hubbellgate

• Lippogate

• Chinesegate

• Blame Kenneth Starrgate

• Right-wing Conspiracygate

• Zippergate (Monica)

• Lewinsky Jobsgate

• Perjurygate

• Kathleen Willeygate

• Los Alamosgate

• Wag-the-Doggate

• Juanita Broaddrickgate

• PBSgate

• Bomb the Aspirin Factorygate

• Eleanor Roosevelt's Ghostgate

• Hillary's Memoir Advancegate

Feiner for president

Speaking of not, er, holding our elected officials accountable for their actions, Paul Feiner, town supervisor of Greenburgh, N.Y. (population 87,000), tells Inside the Beltway that he bases his salary on his performance.

"If I meet my goals I get my full salary," Mr. Feiner explains. "If I don't I give the money back to the taxpayers. This year and last year I returned some money to the taxpayers."

The supervisor asks: "Shouldn't salaries of members of Congress and the president be based on performance, too?"

Dole and Powell chip in

Several prominent veterans, including former Senate Majority Leader Bob Dole and Secretary of State-designate Colin L. Powell, have lent their support to efforts by congressional combat veterans to build an education center at the Vietnam Veterans Memorial, known as the Wall.

Jan C. Scruggs, founder and president of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial Fund, tells this column that "too many young people visit the memorial and have little understanding of the sacrifice of those who served with the U.S. armed forces in the Vietnam War, and even more do not comprehend why that era continues to resonate in American politics."

First, the Vietnam Veterans Memorial Education Center Act will have to be approved by the 107th Congress.

Sen. Chuck Hagel, Nebraska Republican, along with fellow Vietnam veteran Sens. Max Cleland, Georgia Democrat, John McCain, Arizona Republican, and John Kerry, Massachusetts Democrat, have announced legislation supporting construction of the education center.


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