- The Washington Times - Tuesday, September 4, 2001

Bicuspids don't cut it
Before accused FBI double agent Robert P. Hanssen decided to become a G-man, he attended dental school at Northwestern University outside Chicago, where he was considered a peculiar, albeit bright student.
In the soon-to-be-published "The Spy Who Stayed Out in the Cold: Robert Hanssen, Treason, and the Espionage Case of the Century" (St. Martin's Press), author Adrian Havill writes that Hanssen, who recently pleaded guilty to charges of passing highly classified secrets to the Russians over a 16-year period, even joined the dental fraternity, Delta Sigma Delta.
"He always wore a suit to class," recalls Jerald Takesono, a Hawaiian classmate who shared a dormitory room with Hanssen. "Not a jacket and slacks, but a suit, with a white shirt, and tie. Nobody did that in those days."
Mr. Takesono remembers working on cadavers with Hanssen, who "carved up the bodies while still wearing a black suit and tie." Hanssen, oddly enough, continued wearing the same outfit for days after the dissection.
"The suit smelled of formaldehyde and he was hanging it up each night in our room. Our placed reeked of the cadaver. I finally had to ask him to get it dry-cleaned," Mr. Takesono recalls.
Despite such peculiarities, classmates of Hanssen marveled at his ability to retain information. Marty Ziegner, the author says, remembers one episode he tells to this day.
"I sat across from Bob in a lecture on tooth structure. The professor was someone called Dr. Chasen [and] I remember that I and everyone else in the class were fervently taking notes. Bob wasn't. I looked across the aisle after forty-five minutes and all Bob had was a single sheet of paper and a pencil. He had used the pencil to doodle a bird and draw a sketch of an anatomically-correct nude woman. He had written just one word on the page. The word was bicuspid.
"The professor walked around the room as he talked. It was hard for him to miss Bob's naked lady. He came over to Bob's desk and just lost it. He began reaming Bob out … Finally, Bob couldn't take it any more and interrupted the tirade. He told the professor he had accused him of not listening and he didn't appreciate it.
"He said, 'Why don't you go back up to the front of the class and start over and I'll pick it up from there.' When the professor began, Bob interrupted and began repeating his lecture word-for-word. It was like he had a tape recorder in his brain."
A short time later, Hanssen quit dental school.
"I don't want to spend my life picking pieces off of someone's teeth," he said.

Democrat
Even C-SPAN, which prides itself in carrying gavel-to-gavel coverage of the House of Representatives, has to be reminded on what side of the aisle California Rep. Gary A. Condit sits.
During one recent open-phones segment, a caller from Big Sandy, Texas, asked the C-SPAN moderator: "I'm confused, what party does Gary Condit belong to?"
Moderator (two- to three-second pause, stammering): "Gary Condit is, is, what?"
Caller: "Is he, what party does he belong to?"
Moderator: "Gary Condit is a Republican, isn't he?"
Caller: "You see, that's what I thought. No ma'am, he is not. He is a Democrat."
Moderator: "Ah, I'm sorry. My mistake."
(Noise on the telephone line)
Moderator: "You had something else to say, sir?"
Caller (faintly): "I nailed her ."

Women power
Democratic National Committee Chairman Terry McAuliffe says single women are partly to blame for Al Gore's loss to George W. Bush in the presidential election.
"As you know, 23 percent of the voting electorate are single women, and yet they only made up 19 percent of the vote in the last election," says the DNC chairman. "That missing four percentage points is the reason that Dick Gephardt's probably not speaker of the United States today, and that Al Gore would have had more states.
"We know we won the popular vote," says Mr. McAuliffe. "There would have been more states in our category."
The chairman didn't guess why single women stayed away from the polls or else preferred voting Republican, but polls did show that certain groups of women were disgusted with the sexual escapades of President Clinton.

New Democrats
As the Party eliminates
Moral standards for candidates,
More and more recruits
Display attributes
Of Don Juan, Dorian Gray, Norman Bates.
— F.R. Duplantier


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