- The Washington Times - Tuesday, January 15, 2002

Snack attack
The president seldom gets ill.
At least he hasn’t yet. Still,
To maintain that vim,
My advice to him
Is to pass when proffered a pretzel.

F.R. Duplantier

Danny’s misfits
“It was a perfect fit from Day 1.”
Washington Redskins owner Dan Snyder upon last year’s hiring of his third coach in 21/2 years, Marty Schottenheimer, who was fired Sunday night.

Latest poop
A cheap and plentiful energy resource has apparently been right under our nose: cattle manure.
“Demonstration of Biogas Production Using Low-Moisture-Content Beef Cattle Manure” is the title of the U.S. government’s latest study of alternative energy resources.
Given the millions of disc-shaped droppings dotting our landscape, Uncle Sam just might have stumbled onto something this time.

Take four
The federal government recognizes the third Monday in January as King Day, in honor of Martin Luther King, when much of the country is treated to a three-day holiday weekend. Unless you live in Virginia.
Virginia state employees will instead be granted a four-day holiday weekend, beginning Friday, in order to celebrate Lee-Jackson Day, after Virginia natives and Confederate Gens. Robert E. Lee and Thomas J. “Stonewall” Jackson.
The new state holiday, held the Friday before King Day, was celebrated for the first time last year, following approval by the state legislature.
Meanwhile, Friends of the Lee-Jackson holiday, a private group of citizens concerned with the accurate presentation of Virginia’s history and the growth and public acceptance of the Lee-Jackson holiday, will hold a public ceremony Friday in the Old Hall of the House of Delegates in the state Capitol, with several prominent speakers on hand.
Moderating the event will be retired Col. J.E.B. Stuart IV, chairman of the board of the Museum of the Confederacy (in case you didn’t make the connection, Mr. Stuart is a descendant of famed Confederate Gen. J.E.B. Stuart).
Providing the keynote will be former Virginia Lt. Gov. John H. Hager, now the state’s director of emergency preparedness under Gov. Mark R. Warner. We’re told Mr. Hager will emphasize the importance of Lee and Jackson to both Virginia’s schoolchildren and tourism.

Deceptive Tom
House Speaker J. Dennis Hastert of Illinois is going to great lengths to discredit Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle, a likely Democratic presidential contender in 2004, issuing a news release yesterday headlined: “Honest Abe’s Hometown Paper Labels Senator Daschle ‘Deceptive’ on the Economy.”
The Springfield (Ill.) State Journal-Register, we see from Mr. Hastert’s clipping, has taken issue with Mr. Daschle’s claim that President Bush’s tax cuts are responsible for the “most dramatic fiscal deterioration in our nation’s history.”
Truth be told, says the newspaper, the current recession began in March, two months after Mr. Bush took office and two months before Congress approved the president’s 10-year, $1.35 trillion tax cut.

Washington tea party
A public hearing has actually been scheduled on Capitol Hill next month dealing with what some call the “unconstitutional origin” of the Internal Revenue Service and the “unlawful administration and enforcement of the IRS Code.”
Rep. Roscoe G. Bartlett, Maryland Republican; IRS Commissioner Charles O. Rossotti; and Assistant Attorney General Dan Bryant have all reportedly agreed to have experts on hand to answer questions posed by an organization that for three years has requested the hearing, the New York-based We The People Foundation for Constitutional Education Inc.

Author unknown
Handed pencil and paper, Taliban prisoners rendered speechless by relentless B-52 bombings of terrorist compounds have scribbled numerous questions and comments to their American captors. Our favorites:
1. Wariz-Maruf
2. Makamel-Izded
3. Oman-Disisabad
4. Ikantstan-Dis
5. Maturbin-Izburnin
6. Al-Gorwudda Bin-Betta

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