- The Washington Times - Sunday, March 3, 2002

The Sunday Column would like to state for the record that it has never caught a glimpse of a Philadelphia Eagles cheerleader naked.

Regrettably, though, the Sunday Column has seen a few Eagles players naked.

The Sunday Column also plans to heed Nolan Richardson's advice and not try to call him at home.

Jessie Armstead sounds like a pretty good signing to me. Hopefully, he'll work out better than another thirtysomething Giants linebacker the Redskins once picked up: Carl Banks.

If Steve Spurrier keeps adding former Florida players, the team might have to change its fight song from "Hail to the Redskins!" to "Orange and Blue."

So give a cheer for the orange and blue
Waving forever
Forever pride of old Florida
May she droop never
We'll sing a song for the flag today
Cheer for the team at play
On to the goal we'll fight our way
For Florida.

Kinda pales in comparison to "Read 'em, weep 'em, touchdown we want heap more." (Corinne Griffith's original lyrics to "Hail to the Redskins!").

As perfect fits go, Bill Romanowski joining the Raiders ranks right up there with Deion Sanders doing the Miss USA Pageant.

News item: Ricky Williams arrested for going 126 mph.
Comment: That's still 7 mph slower than Terry Allen was clocked at in '97 to this day the highest speed ever recorded away from the Bonneville Salt Flats.

Six things Dennis Miller might say about his "Monday Night Football" ouster:
1. "You didn't need to be Jean-Francois Champollion to read the signs. Declining ratings, minimal buzz I'm tellin' ya, we were leaking enough oil to wipe out most of the pelican population."
2. "Look at it this way: At least I lasted longer than Aleksandr Kerensky's provisional government."
3. "I'm surprised ABC isn't adding Jon Voight or John Turturro to the booth and having him do his Howard Cosell impression."
4. "I see Missy Stark is staying on. What a survivor that woman is. She could talk Henry VIII out of a prenup."
5. "I'm much funnier when I can say [expletive deleted] every 30 seconds."
6. "Truth be told, the 'Monday Night Football' vineyard didn't yield many exquisite vintages last season. A lot of Ripple, Thunderbird and Boone's Farm turning up on the wine list."
(On second thought, scratch the last one. Dennis said something similar to it during the Giants-Eagles game in Week 6.)

Just wondering: Do the Ravens have any players left?

My New England correspondent writes, "I don't think George Carlin is a Steve Spurrier fan. I just got his latest CD, 'Complaints and Grievances,' and he really goes off on people who wear visors. Says they should be 'strapped in a chair and beaten with hammers.' The complete diatribe:
"'What the bleep is the point of wearing half a hat? Either get a hat or don't. No one's interested in the top of your head. Go back to the store and tell them to give you the rest of the hat. They cheated you. Better yet, get yourself one of those Jewish hats and sew it to your visor. Then you've got a full-fledged bleeping hat, my friend.'"

Contrary to reports, if the 49ers and Giants kick off the '02 NFL season on a Thursday night, it wouldn't be the first time the league has begun play on a weekday. Indeed, it happened a dozen times from 1935 to '70.
One of the games is even pretty famous. It was a Friday nighter between the Los Angeles Rams and the New York Yanks on Sept. 28, 1951, and it's famous because the Rams' Norm Van Brocklin threw for 551 yards a record that still stands.
Another memorable weekday opener took place Friday, Sept. 6, 1968, in San Diego the Cincinnati Bengals' regular-season debut as a franchise. Alas, they lost to the Chargers 29-13 despite blocking two extra point tries.

Stat of the Week:
3 The number of dead bodies that have been found in either the home or the car of a famous athlete in recent days (two in Hasim Rahman's Infiniti and one in Jayson Williams' New Jersey mansion.)

Wofford College, which has been added to Maryland's list of football victims for next season (replacing Troy State), put together one of the most amazing streaks in college football history back in 1948. The Terriers tied their first five opponents the last three by the same 7-7 score to set an NCAA record that figures to last forever. (That is, unless they do away with overtime.)
Yup, they were 0-0-5. But let's not make too much fun of them. They finished undefeated that year and went 11-0 the next before losing to Florida State in the Cigar Bowl.

Of course, you couldn't call it the Cigar Bowl today. You'd have to call it the Nicotine Patch Bowl or something.

If Maryland and Duke remain in AP's top three in men's basketball this week, it will be just the sixth time that two teams from the same conference have been ranked that high in the final regular-season poll. The others:
1998 1. North Carolina (30-3), 3. Duke (29-3).
1993 1. Indiana (28-3), 3. Michigan (26-4).
1985 1. Georgetown (30-2), 3. St. John's (27-3).
1982 1. North Carolina (27-2), 3. Virginia (29-3).
1981 2. Oregon State (26-1), 3. Arizona State (24-3).
(I actually covered that Arizona State ballclub back in my salad days. The Sun Devils, though little remembered, had some great talent, including four future NBAers: Byron Scott, Fat Lever, Alton Lister and Sam Williams.)
Five of the aforementioned teams, by the way, went to the Final Four, but only one (Carolina in '82) won the championship.

Hard to believe such regulars as North Carolina (27 straight appearances), Temple (12) and Arkansas (13 in last 14 years) might all miss the NCAA tournament.

Take another look at the picture on page C2 of Friday's Washington Times and tell me San Jose Sharks coach Darryl Sutter isn't the spitting image of Sean Penn.

Mario Lemieux's done for the season. Michael Jordan just had knee surgery. I hope this isn't going to discourage Jim Palmer from making another comeback.

Winning 300 NHL games after starting out with an expansion team, as Ron Wilson has done, is no mean feat. The Caps' first coach, Jimmy Anderson, won a grand total of four games, got fired in midseason and never coached in the league again.

And finally, a boxing match between Tonya Harding and Amy Fisher (March 13 on Fox)? I don't know about you, but I'd rather see Jeff Gillooly and Joey Buttafuoco go at it.

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