- The Washington Times - Monday, May 13, 2002

Mike Tyson says he thought he would be dead by now, which possibly would be his first contribution to humanity.
He talks of death a lot, his as well as those who happen to be in his way.
"I wish he was dead," Tyson says, meaning Lennox Lewis. "I wish I could kill him now. What do I think about him? I don't think anything positive or nice about him."
Tyson is not really a thinker, just a wacko who seems destined to have a bad end.
Hold the sympathy. Mental help already has been provided, along with medication and a supportive network of professional handholders.
America is not guiltless, just endlessly fascinated with freaks, whether they appear with Jerry Springer or if one is in a ring with Lewis in Memphis, Tenn., next month.
An attempt was made to hold the fight in the District. That was not one of the city's shining moments in civics or spin doctoring.
It is said he has a right to earn a living. That is assuming he can meet the basic tenets of professionalism, the first doubt among many with him. That also is in the family of junk thinking to have it both ways.
You can't whimper around his next assault on the senses if you insist he has a right to work. You also can't cry at his funeral, if, as expected, his end is premature.
Tyson does not belong in the workplace. He belongs in the mental ward of a hospital.
His capacity to generate large sums of money remains the clause in his behavioral contract.
For now, a strong stomach is necessary around Tyson, along with a clothespin attached to the nose, if not body armor from the Middle Ages. It also is helpful to have all your shots up to date.
The ickiness element is considerable, too much for some, judging by the decision of a PR firm to end its association with Tyson last week.
This was the PR firm that came to be in Tyson's employ following his cannibalistic foray with Evander Holyfield in 1997.
As hard as it is to imagine what event led to the breakup, it is even harder to imagine what the PR firm thought it could do to help Tyson's image the last five years.
Money is a persuasive tool, no doubt, although even street whores have their standards. They just don't hop into the vehicle of any potential John. Even Tyson might fail the cursory inspection of a whore, if his legal convictions, eating habits and repulsive record with women were considered.
Tyson recently told one female reporter that he is not inclined to "do interviews with women unless I fornicate with them."
That barely resonated among the self-appointed shrinks with talk shows, perhaps because it was overshadowed by his attempt to be in Bill Clinton's rhetorical vicinity.
Tyson expressed a need to share his pain with reporters, as only he can express it.
To those reporters with children, Tyson said he would like to kick the children in their heads or "stomp on their testicles, so you could feel my pain, because that's the pain I have waking up everyday."
Stomping on a child's testicles is an improvement for Tyson, preferable to his notion in the past to eat a child.
His obsession with the male gonad is well-documented, often implemented as a weapon of terror in his case. That includes men as well as women. He has threatened to turn a number of men into his private stable of concubines.
This periodic ugliness, laced as it is with pejoratives and racist mindlessness, usually merits only cautious commentary, if that.
The outrage is best spent on a one-time offender, the nationally appointed cracker, John Rocker.
Alas, there is the fight in Memphis, if a fight involving Tyson actually evolves. By now, fighting is the least of it with Tyson, hardly the appeal.
He is the bearded lady at a carnival, only infinitely more dangerous. What might he do next? Who knows?
That should be the principal concern of Lewis.
"Tyson is an arrogant imbecile," Lewis says.
That is being way too kind.


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