- The Washington Times - Wednesday, May 22, 2002

It's Perdue, Putin!
"The Russians are our newfound friends, but the Russians will not let us export our chicken legs to them."
Sen. Barbara A. Mikulski, Maryland Democrat

Troll food
Provided we all survive the "inevitable," indefensible terrorist attacks and suicide bombings predicted by Vice President Richard B. Cheney and FBI Director Robert S. Mueller, what will the American landscape look like?
Let's turn to Dwayne S. Anderson, a retired CIA analyst and Defense Department official who is now co-editor of the Intelligencer: Journal of U.S. Intelligence Studies.
In the current issue, Mr. Anderson asks: "Will, some day, athletic contests all be held in secure empty stadiums watched only by the television camera and with pay-per-view fans sitting securely at home?"
After all, he bluntly points out, potential terrorist attacks on Americans "are being considered from every angle: nuclear weapon, biological, chemical and radiological attacks on stadiums, airports, ports, government buildings, and even whole cities."
Mr. Anderson can recall the days when he first came to the Pentagon and "anyone could walk in from the street at any time, no identification required. I recall a Russian attache dropping by to see me on one occasion. He just parked and walked in, in uniform, and that was at the height of the Cold War."
Now a nation that many contend carelessly neglected its borders has been invaded by well, Mr. Anderson headlined his eye-opening article: "The Troll Under the Bridge."
"If you are wondering about the title here, it all started when I was very young, maybe four, and my father warned me about trolls, large ugly creatures that lurked unseen under bridges," he says. "They would leap out and grab unsuspecting people crossing those bridges and promptly make an entree out of them.
"I wondered why otherwise decent Norwegians exported these nasty creatures to the U.S., but, most of all, I was totally petrified about crossing even the smallest culvert. When a grandfather gave me a .22 rifle that was longer than I was, I felt some measure of safety. These trolls are a pretty good simile for the unseen and hideous terrors that lurk in wait for us."

Weight issue
Yesterday we asked the question, "Where's Sacajawea?"
"It's a mystery to me," says Sen. Byron L. Dorgan, North Dakota Democrat, who has not only never received a Sacajawea "golden dollar" in change, he's never spotted one in circulation.
Despite the fact that 1.4 billion of the coins were minted in 2000, but not before a $62 million promotional campaign.
Now, Inside the Beltway readers from coast to coast are weighing in with some answers. While we wish we could print them all, let's allow C. Thomas of West Pittston, Pa., speak for our readers:
"The Sacajawea dollar failed because carrying loose change is an annoyance. Nobody wants another coin to weigh down their pants, or purse. The Treasury could put a Hooters Girl on the next dollar, and it would still fail."

Heroic three
The names of three U.S. military members killed in the Vietnam War were meticulously inscribed yesterday on the Vietnam Veterans Memorial.
Expert stoneworkers from Denver-based Great Panes Glassworks have been flown to Washington to add the names to the black granite panels and change the status designations of existing names from missing in action to killed in action.
"The highly technical procedure requires meticulous work matching the stroke and depth of the surrounding names to within one-thousandth of an inch," says Alan Greilsamer, spokesman for the Vietnam Veterans Memorial Fund.
The three dead soldiers added to the wall: U.S. Army Pfc. William E. Johnson Sr., of Cleveland; Army Sgt. Richard E. Toney, of Bogalusa, La.; and Army Pfc. Paul P. Zylko, of Passaic, N.J.
With the new inscriptions, the Memorial now displays the names of 58,229 men and women who were killed in Vietnam or remain missing in action.

Graduation deity
No religious beliefs were expressed
In his valedictorian address,
But he feigned an "achoo!"
And his classmates on cue
In unison shouted "God bless!"
F.R. Duplantier



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