- The Washington Times - Friday, November 22, 2002

Hu's on first?
Celebrated playwright James Sherman is author of a hilarious "Hu's on First?" sketch that he penned dripping wet this week after the Communist Party chose Chinese Vice President Hu Jintao as its new general secretary.
A member of the Victory Gardens' Theater Playwrights Ensemble in Chicago, Mr. Sherman, with due credit to Abbott & Costello, tells Inside the Beltway the idea splashed into his head while showering Monday.
"I raced to the computer and knocked it out," reveals Mr. Sherman, who actually arrives in Washington today to discuss his long-running theater production, "The God of Isaac." Without further ado, "Hu's on First?"
(We take you now to the Oval Office)
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yasser? Yasser Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yasser is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yasser?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the secretary-general of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yasser! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N.?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?

Clinton leftovers
A most intriguing meeting at the Ronald Reagan Building and International Trade Center on Wednesday attended by George W. Bush appointees and White House Director of Personnel Clay Johnson, who attended Andover and Yale with Mr. Bush and was one of his DKE fraternity brothers.
According to our insider, a woman from one federal agency stood up and told Mr. Johnson that she "works with Clinton [appointed] holdovers who continue to obstruct and work against the administration's policy."
Her question went something like: "What are you doing to remove the Clinton holdovers who are still there?"
Mr. Johnson reportedly replied it was his "understanding" that all of President Clinton's political appointees were gone, although he conceded there might be a few leftovers he didn't know about. Identities may be sent to Mr. Johnson in care of the White House.

Consider the numbers
Much is being made of the rise in hate crimes against Middle Easterners living in the United States. And no wonder.
According to the FBI, hate crimes in the United States against Muslims and Arabs increased in 2001 by a whopping 1,700 percent.
Bear in mind that the FBI in 2000 recorded only 28 hate crimes against Muslims and Arabs. In 2001, the number jumped to 481 out of a U.S. population approaching 300 million.


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