- The Washington Times - Sunday, October 13, 2002

How'd you like that two-cushion shot Peter Bondra pulled off against Nashville (off the glass, off the back of the goaltender and into the net)? If Bonzai were playing for the Wild instead of the Caps, they'd be calling him Minnesota Fats.

I'm beginning to wonder about Jaromir Jagr, though. Not only was he penalized Friday night for having an illegally curved stick, but officials also discovered the stick was corked.

A touching scene in Los Angeles last week. Wayne Gretzky finally had his No.99 jersey retired by the Kings after delaying the occasion until former owner Bruce McNall was released from prison and could attend. For the record, McNall got five minutes for wire fraud, 10 minutes for conspiracy and a game misconduct for bank fraud.

The former Redskins QB Patrick Ramsey reminds me of most is Stan Humphries. Same body type, same grit, same quick feet.

Be honest now. How many of you are secretly thrilled to be reading about a Ramsey other than JonBenet?

The NFL reportedly wants the National Women's Football League to come up with a new name. How about: Girls' Inter-Galactic Gridiron League (GIGGL for short)?

Steve Spurrier must miss the fawning Southeastern Conference media. Get a load of this billet-doux from Memphis Commercial-Appeal columnist Geoff Calkins after the Redskins' victory over the Titans: "Spurrier was himself, naturally, reaching deep into his playbook and pulling out revelations. The double pass [from Patrick Ramsey to Kevin Lockett to Stephen Davis] was the signature play, the one folks will remember. It is a sign of Spurrier's creativity that, after the game, one of the Washington reporters asked if Lockett's fumble on the play was intentional."
(Uh, actually, Geoff, Marty Schottenheimer ran that same play less than a year ago. That time, though, Lockett threw to Derrius Thompson for the TD. All Spurrier really showed is that he has as much "creativity" as one of the most conservative coaches in pro football. But other than that )

Little-known fact: Lockett has thrown more touchdown passes in two career attempts (two) than Kurt Warner has in 127 this season (one).

Enjoy it while you can, Kevin.

Watching the highlights of the Raiders racking up 49 points against the Bills after they'd laid 52 on Tennessee the Sunday before got me wondering: How often has an NFL team scored 100 or more points over a two-game span? Answer: Only twice since 1967. The top two-game point totals since 1960 (near as I can determine):
'66 Redskins, 106 points Beat the New York Giants 72-41 and Dallas 34-31. Finished with a 7-7 record. Offensive Pro Bowlers: QB Sonny Jurgensen and WR Charley Taylor.
'66 Chiefs, 104 points Beat Denver 56-10 and Houston 48-23. Finished 11-2-1, winning the AFL title but losing the Super Bowl to Green Bay. Offensive Pro Bowlers: QB Len Dawson, RBs Mike Garrett and Curtis McClinton, T Jim Tyrer, G Ed Budde.
'66 Steelers, 104 Beat New York Giants 47-28 and Atlanta 57-33. Finished 5-8-1. Offensive Pro Bowlers: None.
'66 Cowboys, 103 Beat Atlanta 47-14 and Philadelphia 56-7. Finished 10-3-1, losing the NFL championship game to the Packers. Offensive Pro Bowlers: QB Don Meredith, RB Don Perkins, WR Bob Hayes, C Dave Manders.
'00 Rams, 102 Beat San Diego 57-31 and Atlanta 45-29. Finished 10-6, losing in the first round of the playoffs. Offensive Pro Bowlers: QB Kurt Warner, RB Marshall Faulk, WR Isaac Bruce, T Orlando Pace (WR Torry Holt replaced the injured Bruce).
'02 Raiders, 101 Beat Tennessee 52-25 and Buffalo 49-31. Currently, the only undefeated team in the NFL at 4-0.
'00 Rams, 98 Beat Atlanta 41-20 and San Diego 57-31. (See above.)
'91 Redskins, 97 Beat Atlanta 56-17 and Pittsburgh 41-14. Finished 14-2, winning the Super Bowl. Offensive Pro Bowlers: QB Mark Rypien, RB Earnest Byner, WR Gary Clark, T Jim Lachey, G Mark Schlereth.
'62 Cardinals, 97 Beat Dallas 52-20 and Philadelphia 45-35. Finished 4-9-1. Offensive Pro Bowlers: RB John David Crow, WR Sonny Randle.
'85 Bengals, 95 Beat Houston 45-27 and Dallas 50-24. Finished 7-9. Offensive Pro Bowler: T Anthony Munoz.
'68 Raiders, 95 Beat Buffalo 48-6 and Miami 47-21. Finished 12-2, losing the AFL title game to the Jets. Offensive Pro Bowlers: RB Hewritt Dixon, WR Warren Wells, C Jim Otto, G Gene Upshaw.
'61 Oilers, 95 Beat the New York Titans 48-21 and Oakland 47-16. Finished 10-3-1, winning the AFL championship. Offensive Pro Bowlers: QB George Blanda, RB Billy Cannon, FB Charley Tolar, WRs Charlie Hennigan and Bob McLeod, T Al Jamison, C Bob Schmidt.

FYI: The all-time record and one that might be untouchable was set by the '50 L.A. Rams, who put up 135 points in two games. (Their victims: Baltimore 70-27 and Detroit 65-24.) Not surprisingly, they're the highest-scoring team in NFL history, averaging 38.8 points a game. But then, they had two Hall of Fame quarterbacks, Bob Waterfield and Norm Van Brocklin (who led them to the title game that year).

The obituaries for ex-Brown/Lion/Colt/Redskin Jim Martin omitted one of his biggest claims to fame: He was the first kicker in NFL history to boot two 50-yard field goals in a game. On Oct.23,1960, he had 52- and 51-yarders to help Detroit defeat Baltimore 30-17. Just to show you what a remarkable feat this was, it was a full decade before it was duplicated (by New Orleans' Tom Dempsey vs. the L.A. Rams in 1970) and another nine years before it was accomplished for the third time (by Cincinnati's Chris Bahr vs. Houston in '79).
Martin was 36 when he boomed his two 50-yarders. He didn't do much kicking early in his career Doak Walker and Bobby Layne handled those chores for the Lions but he took over the job when Layne was traded to Pittsburgh in '58. He was good-sized (6-2, 223), a former offensive guard and linebacker, and obviously had a strong foot.

So I'm watching Louisville and Memphis go at it Tuesday night, and I'm thinking: Don't the Cardinals ever play on Saturday? Their schedule this season includes a Sunday game, the aforementioned Tuesday game and two Thursday games.

The Cards probably have their sights set on the GMAC Bowl, which will be played on a Wednesday, or the Houston Bowl, which is set for a Friday. Conference-USA has a guaranteed berth in both bowls.

Did you see they might renovate Fenway Park and increase its capacity to about 44,000? Another option, I hear, is to build a new stadium and rent out Fenway's Green Monster for jai alai.

Now that Bobby Valentine has some time on his hands, maybe he can land a part in "Master of Disguise II." (He could play a major league manager who gets ejected from a game but sneaks back in the dugout wearing glasses and a fake moustache.)

News item: Little League Baseball will require all its managers, coaches and volunteers to be checked against their state's list of convicted sex offenders.
It would be an even better idea if Little League required all its managers, coaches and volunteers to be able to count to 12.

I don't know about you, but I find it interesting that Yao Ming's contract with the Houston Rockets "ensures [his] commitment as a national team player to serve his country whenever called upon." Put it this way: If I were a bookie, I wouldn't be taking bets on Rockets games very far in advance especially if the guy trying to get money down was Jiang Zemin.

In a related story, Wang Zhizhi was booted off China's basketball team for choosing to play for the L.A. Clippers instead of representing the motherland in the Asian Games. Boy, the Clippers are really on a roll, aren't they? They made the playoffs last season for only the fourth time in 25 years, and now they're ranked ahead of the Chinese national team in the Wang Poll.

What can you say about Joe Gibbs? He won the Super Bowl with three different quarterbacks (Joe Theismann, Doug Williams, Mark Rypien), and now he's trying to win the Winston Cup with two different drivers (Bobby Labonte in 2000, and Tony Stewart, currently first in the standings, this year).

But he's still got his original wife. Pat, darlin', stand up and take a bow, will ya?

And finally, three cheers for Virginians Pat and Joey Dineen, recently certified by the American Bowling Congress as the third father-son tandem to bowl 300s in the same league game. It's comforting to know father-son tandems can do more than just take their shirts off and attack first-base coaches.

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