- The Washington Times - Sunday, September 29, 2002

Hang on a sec. I'm almost done washing Suzann Petterson's mouth out with soap.

She's the Norwegian golfer who said a naughty word on NBC last Sunday following her match in the Solheim Cup. At least, I think it was a naughty word. Maybe she was just talking about Pierre Fulke.

Or Fred Funk.

Sonja Henie must be doing a sit spin in her grave.

I'm all for Suzy Whaley competing in the Greater Hartford Open as long as she lets people play through.

Getting on Tiger Woods' case because he hasn't sparkled in the Ryder Cup is like ripping Pete Sampras because he hasn't won any significant doubles titles.

Louisville 26, Florida State 20.
Let's see Rick Pitino top that.

If you've ever wondered what Washington Times staffers Rick Snider and Jody Foldesy look like, check out the October issue of GQ (page 281). They're the two guys behind Patrick Ramsey in the lighthearted cartoon, "Mr. Spurrier Goes To Washington" (and I must say, the artist has rendered them pretty well).

It's GQ's annual sports issue and, as usual, there's some fun stuff in it. I particularly enjoyed Peter Richmond's 25 Reasons Why Hockey Is Better Than Basketball and Bill Walton's 25 Reasons Why Peter Richmond Is Out of His Mind.
Reason No.8:
Richmond: "Sudden death."
Walton: "Thank goodness someone discovered a way to end this travesty of tedium."
Reason No. 13:
Richmond: "The dynasty franchise plays in Joe Louis Arena not some place named for an office supply store."
Walton: "Refresh my memory: How much does Joe Louis contribute to the salary cap?"

GQ also offers its choices for the "11 All-Time Worst Trades." The most glaring omission: Robert Irsay swapping the Baltimore Colts for the Los Angeles Rams in 1972.

Another oversight: The Golden State Warriors sending Robert Parish and the third pick in the 1980 draft (Kevin McHale) to the Celtics for the first (Joe Barry Carroll) and 13th (Rickey Brown) picks.

Just because the Redskins are taking the week off doesn't mean the pro football world stops turning. In fact, there's a good chance something truly memorable will happen in the NFL today or tomorrow. Here are some of the highlights from previous Redskins bye weeks (brought to you exclusively by the Sunday Column):
Nov. 11, 2001 Seattle's Shaun Alexander rushes for 266 yards, the third-most ever by a running back, in the Seahawks' victory over Oakland.
Oct. 10, 1999 Tennessee sets an NFL record for penalty yards in a game 212 but still manages to beat Baltimore.
Oct. 25, 1998 Denver's Jason Elam boots a 63-yard field goal in a win over Jacksonville, tying Tom Dempsey's 28-year-old league mark.
(Second place: Atlanta's Steve DeBerg becomes the oldest quarterback to start a game in the NFL when, at 44, he fills in for injured Chris Chandler in a loss to the Jets. One of DeBerg's passes caroms off an official's head and is intercepted.)
(Third place: San Francisco's Jerry Rice catches a pass in his 184th consecutive game to break Art Monk's record.)
Sept. 21, 1997 Buffalo rallies from a 26-0 deficit to defeat Indianapolis, the second-biggest comeback in the regular season.
Oct. 6, 1996 San Diego's Darren Bennett booms three 66-yard punts and also has 59- and 56-yarders. All five kicks are fielded in the air without bouncing.
Nov. 12, 1995 Miami's Dan Marino moves ahead of Fran Tarkenton and becomes the all-time leader in passing yards with 47,299.
Nov. 13, 1994 New England's Drew Bledsoe throws 70 passes and completes 45, both records, to rally the Patriots past Minnesota. Bledsoe racks up 354 yards passing in the second half and overtime alone.
(Honorable mention: Detroit's Barry Sanders rushes for 200 yards in the second half as the Lions defeat Tampa Bay.)
Oct. 24, 1993 Cleveland's Eric Metcalf does Pittsburgh in by returning two punts for touchdowns, equaling the NFL mark.
Oct. 7, 1990 Five different players have at least 100 yards receiving in Cincinnati's victory over Los Angeles Rodney Holman (161), Tim McGee (142) and James Brooks (109) for the Bengals and Flipper Anderson (144) and Henry Ellard (100) for the Rams.
Dec. 4, 1966 For the second straight week, the New York Giants score 40 points and lose. This time they fall to the Browns 49-40. The Sunday before, the Redskins hammered them 72-41 in what is still the highest-scoring game in NFL history.
Oct. 2, 1960 Green Bay's Paul Hornung has an 11-yard touchdown run, a 16-yard TD catch and kicks four extra points to personally take care of Detroit. It's just another day at the office for the multitalented Hornung, who goes on to score 176 points that season, setting a record that still stands. (And he did it in 12 games, no less.)

Maybe the Redskins should go on vacation more often, you know what I mean?

Falling face-first in a driveway, tripping over his dog Brian Griese is the Chevy Chase of NFL quarterbacks.

The league is investigating the latest incident, I hear, trying to determine if the dog was guilty of a chop block.

Griese might be interested to know that, as Woody Allen once noted, dog is "god" spelled backward.

Which reminds me: The 49ers had a player in the '80s named Bruce Collie.

And we all remember Leslie Shepherd.

The eulogies for former Heisman Trophy winner Leon Hart, who died last week at 73, neglected to mention one of his bigger claims to fame: He was the first modern tight end. Pro football had never seen anything like him when he joined the Lions in 1950. He was 6-5, 257 pounds and a real receiving threat. In his second season, he caught 35 passes for a 15.5-yard average and 12 touchdowns, second in the league to Crazylegs Hirsch's 17. (No other receiver had more than eight.) Two years later, he averaged 18.9 yards a catch and scored seven TDs. A lot of people credit Ron Kramer, who entered the NFL just as Hart was leaving in '57, with inventing the tight end position, but Leon beat him to it. He wore No.82, by the way, the same number Ozzie Newsome made famous.

One last thing about late great Bob Hayes: It tends to be forgotten, but "Bullet" Bob had his best game as a pro right here in Washington in 1966. In a 31-30 Dallas win at RFK (then D.C.) Stadium, he torched the Redskins for nine receptions, 246 yards and two touchdowns (measuring 95 and 52 yards). The 246 yards and 95-yard TD grab are still Cowboys records.

Considering the homophobic remarks made by Giants tight end Jeremy Shockey on Howard Stern's radio show, it's probably just as well Ben Gay is no longer in the league.

News item: Actress Tawny Kitaen files a $12million lawsuit against her estranged husband, St. Louis Cardinals pitcher Chuck Finley, claiming that, among other wifely duties, she picked out his hair color.
Comment:
Tawny's undergone an interesting transformation, you have to admit. Once upon a time, she used to host "America's Funniest People." Now she is one of America's funniest people.

The Juan Dixon story just gets better and better, doesn't it? First he leads Maryland to an NCAA championship, then he gets drafted by the Wizards and now he's voted one of the top 50 players in ACC history.

I'm still trying to figure out, though, why Bob Verga and Jack Marin didn't make the top 50. Granted, the Dookies are well represented on the list, but give me a break. Not only did Verga and Marin have outstanding college careers, they also fared well as pros (Bobby averaging 27.5 points a game for the ABA's Carolina Cougars one year and Jack starring for the Bullets for several seasons in the late '60s and early '70s).

Who would I evict to make room for them? Perhaps Tom Burleson and Barry Parkhill, but I'm open to suggestions.

And finally, did you see that Tim Montgomery and Marion Jones, the world's top 100-meter runners, are officially An Item? If they ever have children, the kids will be so fast they'll be able to travel through time.

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