- The Washington Times - Tuesday, July 1, 2003

Lay persons

Our competitors at The Washington Post did a good job Friday of documenting how Democratic presidential candidate Sen. John Kerry “regularly scorches” top executives of scandal-plagued and bankrupt Enron, calling them a shade darker than “the Corleone family.”

“Well,” Mr. Kerry added on second thought, “I think that’s insulting to the Corleones.”

That remark came last year, and the Massachusetts Democrat continues the theme this year, saying that America is in need of a president who will make sure “those greedy few at the top [of Enron] are going to go to jail.”

All the more intriguing, given Enron’s founder, Kenneth Lay, has been longtime trustee of the environmental-minded Heinz Center founded by Mr. Kerry’s gazillionaire wife, Teresa Heinz Kerry.

Now, Inside the Beltway hears from a reliable source who previously toiled in the Enron vineyards in Washington.

The lawyer bid goodbye to the giant energy company after detecting a “scheme of supporting green groups to scare people into regulating Enron’s competition out of the mix and … [because] it bought the world’s largest windmill company and half of the world’s largest solar-panel company, in addition to having compiled the world’s largest gas-pipe network outside of Gazprom, then embarked on a trek to ensure a global-warming treaty.”

No wonder Mrs. Kerry (if not her candidate husband) is a big fan of Mr. Lay.

The former Enron lawyer provided us samples of relevant personal correspondence from the Heinz Center to Mr. Lay, including the plea: “Ken, we want you to chair the forum. You are by far the best candidate. Simply stated, your background, expertise and experience make you uniquely qualified [to run our] global-warming [initiative].”

The cabal, we can’t help but notice, extends beyond the Heinz Center and Mr. Lay to a host of the usual bipartisan suspects.

Take a Jan. 17, 2001, memo to Mr. Lay from Timothy E. Wirth, former Colorado senator and undersecretary of state for global affairs who became president of Ted Turner’s $1 billion economic and environmental United Nations Foundation. Its subject: President Bush’s first treasury secretary, Paul H. O’Neill.

“Paul has indicated that he is willing to help with this [global-warming] initiative from his new position,” Mr. Wirth was pleased to report.

That reminds us of the resulting flap when Mr. O’Neill took the initiative to distribute — at his first Cabinet meeting — an alarmist document on global warming.

Hollywood politics

We’ll skip the chapter on the shocking number of Hollywood stars — most notably Jack Nicholson, Leonardo DiCaprio and Kevin Costner — who have traveled to Cuba and praised dictator Fidel Castro.

And how U2’s Bono is able to secure billions of U.S. tax dollars from both major political parties for AIDS relief and other charities while living in tax-free Dublin.

We’ll skip these particular “Tales From The Left Coast: True Stories of Hollywood Stars and Their Outrageous Politics” (Crown Forum, $25.95), and instead bring you a portion of author James Hirsen’s hilarious, yet accurate, Political Glossary of Hollywood.

“Additional Democrat voter: 1. An existence-challenged individual who resides in a Chicago cemetery; 2. A senior citizen in Miami with election dyslexia; 3. An undocumented immigrant who’s been bribed with a glazed donut and shuttled in so he can vote in a Los Angeles, Phoenix, Houston or New York election.

“Big sleep: What overtakes you when you’re listening to an Al Gore speech.

“Bill of Rights: A collection of ideas drafted by old, dead white guys who owned slaves; 2: The stuff in the Constitution … meant for actors, artists and other creative types only, and can mean anything a Hollywood celebrity wants it to.

“Diverse: The most important thing that an institution, community or locale can be, as long as it doesn’t apply to ideas.

“Drugs: Substances that lead to an improved level of consciousness; used in ample amounts by celebrities whenever it strikes their fancy.

“Earth Day: A sacred, high holy day set aside to honor Gaia, the goddess of Earth, and to plant hemp seeds.

“Political jokes: The slate of candidates supported by Hollywood liberals.

“Political slogan: You can fool some of the people all of the time, so focus your attention on the ones you can fool easily.

“Sex: 1. The most essential thing to include in any screenplay, TV sitcom or music video; 2. The activity that takes precedence over everything else, except for drugs, and should be engaged in wherever, whenever and with whomever a celebrity so desires.

“Smoking: The most embarrassing thing one can be caught doing, unless the tobacco-related behavior looks cool and is featured in a movie that’s designed for kids or teens.”

John McCaslin, a nationally syndicated columnist, can be reached at 202/636-3284 or [email protected].

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