- The Washington Times - Sunday, March 9, 2003

If Switzerland can win the America's Cup, there may be hope yet for the Jamaican bobsled team.

Did you read that series in USA Today about the 10 toughest things to do in sports? They left out an obvious one, if you ask me trying to tell golfers Aree and Naree Wongluekiet apart.

In fact, just trying to spell Aree and Naree Wongluekiet might be one of the 10 toughest things to do in sports.

Another thing that belongs on any "10 toughest" list: walking a mile in Earl Boykins' sneakers.
My feet (size 11) hurt just thinking about it.

Playing for an Iraqi national team is pretty challenging, too, I hear.

As for the 10 easiest things to do in sports, No.1 would have to be beating Anna Kournikova in the final of a tennis tournament, wouldn't it?
Speaking of Anna, the details of her marriage to Sergei Fedorov are still rather vague, but there are indications it was shorter than the fifth set between Andy Roddick and Younes El Aynaoui at the Australian Open.

I loved what Fedorov said to the Hockey News about it: "We were married, albeit briefly, and we are now divorced."
You can understand, just from that brief remark, why Anna fell for him. I mean, how many athletes throw words like "albeit" around?

Albeit. It reminds me of something Modell said in "Diner": "You know what word I'm not comfortable with? Nuance. It's not a real word. Like gesture. Gesture's a real word. With gesture you know where you stand. But nuance? I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong."
Albeit is kinda like that.

Just asking: Can the Atlantic 10, which has been jilted over the years by Villanova, Pittsburgh, Penn State, West Virginia, Rutgers and Virginia Tech, really afford to boot scandal-plagued St. Bonaventure for refusing to play its last two games?

Then again, maybe there's a movement afoot in the conference to "Put the '10' Back in the A-10."

It's been a tough few months for Juniors in college hoops first Nolan Richardson Jr. at Tennessee State and now Jim Harrick Jr. at Georgia. Since these things tend to happen in threes, let me just remind you that the assistant at St. John's (and previously George Washington) is named Mike Jarvis II.

Royal St. George, site of this year's British Open, is just the latest famous course to be lengthened in response to the game's technological advances by 246 yards, to be exact. Some other well known tracks that are playing longer these days:
Augusta National Added 285 yards (going from 6,985 to 7,270).
Harbour Town (Hilton Head) Added 259 yards (going from 6,657 to 6,916).
TPC at Sawgrass Added 236 yards (going from 6,857 to 7,093).
Doral's Blue Course Added 186 yards (going from 6,939 to 7,125).

Here's a question I wish I knew the answer to: Brian Mitchell has played for the Redskins, the Eagles and now the Giants (assuming he makes it to the regular season) three-fourths of the NFC East. Has anybody ever played for every team in a division?

Wait, I just thought of a possibility: Doc Severinsen.

No, your eyes weren't deceiving you. The four White House interns on "The West Wing" a couple of weeks back were wearing Redskins 70th anniversary jerseys.

(Insert your own Monica Lewinsky joke here.)

Let's just hope this Morton guy the Redskins signed to an offer sheet is worth his salt.

Jaromir Jagr shouldn't get too down on himself. After all, lots of well-known sports figures and even teams have run into tax troubles over the years. See if you can match the sports entity in Column A with the figure owed (or, in some cases, paid) in Column B.

1. Dusty Bakera. $32,000
2. Boris Beckerb. $91,094
3. Steffi Graf's dadc. $151,690
4. Diego Maradonad. $168,000
5. Pittsburgh Penguinse. $350,000
6. Pete Rosef. $1 million
7. Darryl Strawberryg. $1 million+
8. Ichiro Suzukih. $2.3 million
9. Jerry Tarkaniani. $6.55 million
10. Ted Williams' sonj. $25 million

Answers: 1-g, 2-h, 3-i, 4-j, 5-f, 6-c, 7-e, 8-d, 9-a, 10-b.

And let's not forget: The reason Happy Gilmore turned from hockey to golf was because the IRS was going to seize his grandmother's house. (She'd run up a debt of $250,000 more than Pete Rose and Jerry Tarkanian combined.)

News item: Union head Donald Fehr tells baseball players to be "extremely reluctant to use any products containing ephedra."
Comment:
Fehr also advised the players to read their autobiographies before the galley proofs are released.

On the subject of "Boomer" Wells, if he was indeed "half drunk" the day he set down 27 straight Twins in 1998, shouldn't the perfect game be credited to Jack Daniel's?

And finally, I suppose we should have been suspicious when the Yankees' battery was announced as "David Wells and Jose Cuervo."

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