- The Washington Times - Saturday, June 19, 2004

Lately, I’ve heard a lot about the Iraqi prisoner abuse scandal. The photos of those “abused” prisoners have been plastered all over the front pages of newspapers around the country.

Some of my conservative friends have interpreted the excessive coverage as proof that newspapers like the New York Times rooting against America’s war on terror. Even those who aren’t willing to go that far say such coverage helps the enemy recruit a new generation of terrorists to harm our troops.

Despite these views, I have decided to make a formal public apology to the entire Arab world in the aftermath of Abu Ghraib. It is my hope the following apology will help bring some clarity to the situation and, who knows, maybe even lasting world peace:

Dear Arabs,

I am truly sorry Americans decided to take up arms and sacrifice their own youth in the defense of Muslims in Bosnia, Kosovo, and the first Gulf war. After we clear up this mess in Iraq, we will refrain from any such activity in the future.

I am truly sorry I did not hear any of you call for an apology from Muslim extremists after September 11, 2001. After all, the hijackers were all Arabs.

I am truly sorry Arabs have to live in squalor under savage dictatorships throughout the Middle East. I am also sorry the “leaders” of these nations drive their citizens into poverty by keeping all the wealth in the hands of a few.

I also am sorry these governments intentionally breed hate for the U.S. in their religious schools while American schools do the exact opposite.

I am sorry the U.S. has continued serving as the biggest financial supporter of poverty-stricken Arab nations while wealthy Arab leaders blame the U.S. for all their problems.

I am sorry some Arab governments pay the families of homicide bombers after their children are blown to pieces in pursuit of Yasser Arafat’s Palestinian “cause.”

I am sorry these homicide bombers have as little regard for babies as the local office of Planned Parenthood.

I am sorry so many people are unable to differentiate between the gang rape rooms and mass graves of Saddam Hussein and the conditions of Abu Ghraib.

I am also sorry cleaning up the mess in Iraq is taking so long. It only took Saddam Hussein about 30 years to accomplish all he did in the realm of human rights. Come to think of it, that’s about 10 years less than the duration of our War on Poverty in the U.S. Come to think of it, I’m sorry we haven’t sent all of our gang bangers from South Central Los Angeles to Fallujah.

I am sorry every time the terrorists hide, it just happens to be inside a “Holy Site.”

I am sorry that Muslim extremists have not yet apologized for the USS Cole, the embassy bombings and for flying planes into the World Trade Center, whose towers collapsed partly on Saint Nicholas Greek Orthodox Church, one of our Holy Sites.

I am sorry we have not taken a portion of the diet of Michael Moore and shipped it to one of your starving villages in the Middle East. You need it Moore (pun intended) than he.

I am sorry your only supporters are professors, journalists, and other assorted leftists who also support homosexuals, bisexuals, transsexuals, partial-birth abortion, and everything you abhor in this world. I am sorry everyone else in America is against you.

For these things, I am truly sorry.


Mr. Adams is author of “Welcome to the Ivory Tower of Babel.” He is truly sorry if this Forum comment offended anyone. Well, not really.

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