- The Washington Times - Sunday, March 7, 2004

Marge “She Oughta Be” Schott. I won’t miss the woman, but I’ll miss the nickname.

• • •

Wonder if any Reds fans “pulled a Marge” when she died — and sent flowers that had been given to them by someone else.

• • •

If I’d written her obituary, I would have been sure to include the following:

“Adolf Hitler could not be reached for comment.”

• • •

By now you’ve probably seen the infamous final exam given by Jim Harrick Jr. in his “Coaching Principles and Strategies of Basketball” course at the University of Georgia. Well, the Sunday Column has gotten its hands on some extra-credit questions, previously unpublished, that the former hoops assistant included in the test. (Or maybe I just made ‘em up — I can’t remember.) Anyway, here they are:

1. Which is closest to the basket?

a. free-throw line

b. 3-point line

c. half-court line

d. beer line

2. How many years of eligibility does an athlete have at a four-year college?

a. 1

b. 2

c. 3

d. 4

3. Complete the following sentence: How ‘bout them …?

a. Islamic fundamentalists

b. mortgage rates

c. ‘Dawgs

d. cats

4. You’ve got the ball with a tenth of a second left and your team trailing by a point. You should:

a. shoot

b. pass

c. call a timeout

d. fake an injury

5. NCAA stands for:

a. NinCompoops Across America

b. National Collegiate Athletic Association

c. Never Challenge Athletes Academically

d. Nepotism in Coaching is Always Acceptable

Answers: 1-a, 2-d, 3-c, 4-a, 5-b.

• • •

You’ve gotta love the NHL. It’s the only professional sport in which a guy can fire himself as coach as Rangers GM Glen Sather did recently (promoting assistant Tom Renney). The Stars’ Bob Gainey did the same thing in 1996 (hiring Ken Hitchcock), and the Islanders’ Mike Milbury followed suit in 1999 (tapping Bill Stewart).

• • •

Ron Weber, the erstwhile Caps announcer, answered my plea last week. He came up with an example in hockey history of two All-Stars with the same last name playing on the same team but not being related (like the Pistons’ Ben Wallace and Rasheed Wallace in basketball).

His nominees: Gilles Tremblay and J.C. Tremblay, standouts for the Canadiens in the 1960s. Gilles, a left wing, and J.C., a defenseman, even appeared in the All-Star Game together in 1965 and 1967. There were no family ties, though. One was from Montmorency, the other from Bagotville.

Weber — who knows just about everything puck-wise — also mentioned two other pairs of same-name teammates: D Dallas Smith and D Rick Smith of the 1960s/1970s Bruins (only Dallas was an All-Star) and RW Mike Murphy and D Larry Murphy of the 1980s Kings (both were All-Stars, but Larry didn’t become one until he left L.A.).

Then there were Mike Ramsey and Craig Ramsay, All-Stars with the Sabres in the 1970s and 1980s. (Mike was a defenseman, Craig a left wing). “One vowel in their names is different,” said Weber, “but that doesn’t disqualify them from a broadcaster’s point of view. They still sound the same.”

• • •

Ron was also extremely elated that WGN is once more part of the basic cable package on Comcast in Montgomery County.

(Aren’t we all? I mean, you never know when Sammy Sosa is going to use another corked bat — or Steve Bartman is going to interfere with an outfielder again.)

• • •

I’m picking Ottawa (Peter Bondra) and Boston (Sergei Gonchar, Michael Nylander) to meet in the Eastern Conference finals, the winner to meet the survivor of the Detroit (Robert Lang)-Colorado (Steve Konowalchuk) series in the West.

• • •

Unless, of course, Ron Wilson’s San Jose club upsets the apple cart.

• • •

An e-mail from my buddy Robert, the Virginia Techie: “The Caps remind me of a company that closes 100 plants and fires a bunch of workers, and the stock immediately goes up. Short term it helps make the books look better, but long term what does it say about the growth potential of your business? Looks like Terrible Ted is betting that the NHL falls apart. Geez, what a great business to be in. Next week I expect him to start contracting out the ushers and concession people to bring a few more dollars in.”

• • •

More from Robert: “Though I didn’t see it, there apparently was a banner at the Virginia Tech-West Virginia basketball game that referred to Mountaineers fans’ dangerous habits celebrating victories. The banner said:

“Virginia Tech: Victory Without Arson.”

• • •

Among many other athletic accomplishments, Redskins quarterback Mark Brunell once was drafted as a pitcher by the Atlanta Braves. The Braves took him in the 44th round in 1992, when he was at the University of Washington. (Granted, they took a Florida State prospect named Terrell Buckley in the 38th round that year, but still …)

Which brings us to this week’s trivia question: Six other NFL quarterbacks were drafted by major league baseball teams. How many can you name? (Answer below.)

• • •

I was kind of hoping the Redskins would sign Jim Kleinsasser, the tight end who re-upped with Minnesota. Why? So I could ask him about his cameo in Adam Sandler’s latest movie, “50 First Dates.”

In one scene, Drew Barrymore’s character is watching a Thanksgiving Day game between the Vikings and the Lions. The Vikes have the ball down on the goal line, and Drew tells her brother, “I’ll bet Culpepper runs it in here. What do you think?”

“Nah,” he replies, “I’m betting it’s a pass to Kleinsasser.”

And sure enough, Culpepper drops back and flips a touchdown pass to his big tight end.

(I won’t spoil the movie for you by explaining why the exchange is hysterical.)

• • •

Answer to trivia question: The six other NFL quarterbacks who were drafted by major league baseball teams:

• Tom Brady, Patriots (18th round, Expos, 1995).

• Kerry Collins, Giants (26th round, Tigers, 1990, and 48th round, Blue Jays, 1994).

• Daunte Culpepper, Vikings (26th round, Yankees, 1995).

• Chad Hutchinson, Cowboys (first round, Braves, 1996, and second round, Cardinals 1998).

• Rob Johnson, Raiders (16th round, Twins, 1991).

• Rodney Peete, Panthers (30th round, Blue Jays, 1984; 14th round, A’s, 1988; 13th round, A’s, 1989; and 28th round, Tigers, 1990).

Brady was drafted not as a pitcher but as a catcher, Collins as a shortstop-third baseman (the first time around, at least), Culpepper as an outfielder and Peete as a third sacker.

• • •

Soon to be added to the list is Drew Henson, a third-round selection of the Yankees in 1998. He and Hutchinson are the only ones to sign a baseball contract — and both, as it turns out, made the bigs, albeit briefly. Henson played in eight games for the Yanks in 2002 and 2003, managing one hit in nine at-bats. Hutchinson pitched three times for the Cards in 1998, allowing three homers and 11 earned runs in four innings.

• • •

And finally …

The W.C. Fields Award this week goes to Terrell Owens. The 49ers have traded him to the Ravens, but on the whole, he’d rather be in Philadelphia.

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