Monday, May 17, 2004

We are supposed to be almost invisible in Athens this summer.

No joyous celebrations in red, white and blue. No parading around holding the American flag aloft. No gesture at all that shows you are proud to be an American athlete.

Please try to understand the hurt feelings of the world.

The world is extremely upset that we are trying to exterminate the animals who beheaded Nicholas Berg and who set off bombs that kill women and children.

To hear the world tell it, we are supposed to be negotiating with these animals. We are supposed to be working through that corrupt international body known as the United Nations. We are supposed to be taking our foreign policy cues from the hypocrites of France and Germany.

It is all our fault. Everything. Even the world’s severe case of America envy is our fault.

It seems the world is pro-Saddam Hussein. He was a misunderstood killer, you understand, although one who killed his people with brutal efficiency.

The world never held protests against Saddam while he was in power. There was nary a peep from anyone.

The United Nations was asleep on the job as well, except those august members who worked the oil-for-food scam with Saddam.

Yet we are the bad guys, especially after we employed the S-and-M routine on the scumbags in the Abu Ghraib prison in Baghdad. Now the world figures we are no different from Saddam, except the scumbags are still breathing and have all their body parts, unlike Saddam’s victims.

Unfortunately, officials with the U.S. Olympic Committee have become susceptible to this upside-down thinking.

They are urging our athletes not to display their patriotic feelings after winning a medal because of world opinion, which goes as follows: We are the real problem.

Stop it. This thinking is going to kill us.

We are only trying to save the world from Osama bin Laden and his band of cockroaches. We are only waging a war that amounts to the survival of Western civilization.

There is no turning back to Sept.10, 2001. There is no addressing the grievances of the animals who beheaded an American citizen. There is no winning the hearts and minds of the hate-filled Arab street, ever obsessed with Israel.

Our athletes need to be told that we live in different times, and now more than ever, we need to clutch the flag with patriotic fervor.

Instead, the USOC is saying this: If an American athlete runs around the track waving the flag after winning a gold medal, it might be viewed as jingoistic or even “confrontational.”

Yet if an athlete from another country shows the same kind of exuberance after winning a medal, it is considered patriotic. It is considered beautiful, just so touching.

Foreign athletes have a fundamental right to be proud of their countries, and we are under orders to recognize the inherent goodness of other cultures.

We just can’t recognize ours.

What a bunch of nonsense.

We only live in the greatest country in the world. You only have to ask the mass of humanity streaming across our borders under the cover of darkness. You only have to ask yourself if there ever has been another country as historically appealing to immigrants as this one.

Maybe the USOC should have our athletes crawl on all fours during the opening ceremonies. Maybe our athletes should carry a banner that reads: “We’re sorry.”

Would that make the world feel better? Would the world love us then?

Here is a better idea:

Maybe our athletes should stand tall and hold their heads high, along with their American flags.

If that is too much for certain parts of the world to accept, well, that is just too bad.

Consider the weak-kneed sources.

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