- The Washington Times - Friday, March 4, 2005

Nobles: Punxsutawney Phil, for being right in his Groundhog Day forecast.

Never has a rodent attained such esteemed status as has Phil. Consider his official title: Punxsutawney Phil, King of the Groundhogs, Father of all Marmota, Seer of Seers, Prognosticator of Prognosticators. Well, if you had been alive for 119 or so years, you might have garnered a few honorifics yourself. Not to mention that, according to the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club, Phil has been right 100 percent of the time on every Feb. 2.

This year, Phil didn’t disappoint when, to the lamentations of some onlookers, he saw his shadow, meaning, of course, six more weeks of winter. If Phil had been wrong, then now, four weeks later, D.C.-area residents wouldn’t be daring the icy streets and freezing temps. Remember, Phil said it would be like this.

For scoring another victory in his undefeated career, Punxsutawney Phil is the Noble of the week.

Knaves: Harvard University’s Bisexual, Gay, Lesbian, Transgender and Supporters Alliance (BGLTSA), for redefining the First Amendment.

Actress Jada Pinkett-Smith was “extremely heteronormative” during her recent visit to Harvard. So says, BGLTSA co-chairman Jordan Wood.

As the Harvard Crimson reports, Mr. Woods thinks the students were insulted because “they thought [Mrs. Pinkett-Smith] narrowly defined the roles of men and women in relationships.” To make amends, the group called for an apology from the Harvard Foundation for Intercultural and Race Relations for sponsoring the event.

Let’s get this straight, Harvard students: You’re upset not by what Mrs. Pinkett-Smith said, but by what she didn’t say? A speaker, a columnist or anyone must now include any and all views on a particular subject lest they incur the wrath of the unmentioned, and thus offended, party? Harvard being an “elite” college campus, the answer is, of course, yes, one must. Move over Lawrence Summers, Mrs. Pinkett-Smith is now Harvard’s most pernicious anti-whatever.

To prove it’s not anti-anything, the foundation organized a joint breakfast with BGLTSA “in order to discuss these concerns and ensure that such a misunderstanding doesn’t occur again.” A cautionary note: Don’t serve bacon or eggs, otherwise the foundation might have the vegans to deal with.

For revealing its absurdity, Harvard’s BGLTSA is the Knave of the week.

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