- The Washington Times - Thursday, April 20, 2006

Following their diabolically clever “Spirit of Diana” on-air seance of 2003, the same producers have hatched a similar plan to commune with John Lennon. On Monday night, “The Spirit of John Lennon” will air on pay-per-view. We’ll save you the 10 bucks. Here’s what the ex-Beatle will say:

You’re still not giving peace a chance — If there are beds in the afterlife, Mr. Lennon is lying in one right now, protesting all the violence down here.

Don’t marry that Jagger girl — Tabloids have buzzed lately with news of a blossoming romance between Mr. Lennon and Yoko Ono’s son, Sean Lennon, and Mick Jagger’s daughter, Elizabeth. Mr. Lennon always considered Mr. Jagger an inferior rival. The thought of a Lennon-Jagger conjugation would give him eternal heartburn.

Let New Yorkers smoke — Mr. Lennon famously loved New York City. He lived there, and he died there. Just think of how he’d react to the indignity of being banished outdoors to enjoy one of his beloved Gitanes.

Get my music back from Michael Jackson — Listen. Can’t you just hear it? … “Do you think I’ve forgotten about that Nike commercial?”

Keep me off Broadway, Yoko — Mr. Lennon loved his wife; that much is clear. Yet even he would have winced his way through 2005’s “Lennon,” the universally panned Broadway musical that was long on Ono and short on Beatles.

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