- The Washington Times - Thursday, April 6, 2006

Business isn’t booming at the box office, and studio heads and theater owners are in the market for new ideas. And since our business — newspapers — isn’t exactly setting the world ablaze either, we thought we’d share a few ideas in a spirit of fiscal sympathy. Plus, they can’t be any worse than what the industry came up with recently at the annual ShoWest pep rally.

Chauffeurs Perhaps the only thing standing in the way of consumers and their local multiplex is a clogged thoroughfare. We think a well-dressed driver and a Town Car will help tremendously. Bonus: They can watch another movie on the way.

—Pet accommodations — Movies for new oms are well and good, but in these low-fertility times, we need to think beyond mere parent-child attachments. Theaters need to accommodate moviegoers’ furry friends, too.

Escorts — Young males are the most important demographic for theater owners. What better way to lure them from their Xboxes and graphic novels than to offer some arm candy?

The charity option — One of the greatest drawbacks for consumers these days is the Fear of the Stinker. With ticket and concession prices so high, potential moviegoers are worried about shelling out fifty bucks for a lousy movie. The solution: Reform the tax code to make movie “expenses” tax-deductible.

The Cone of Silence — First seen in “Get Smart,” this clear dome drops over a moviegoer and permits him or her to yap away at length without disturbing other patrons. The Cone can accommodate up to four viewers at a time.

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