- The Washington Times - Thursday, May 18, 2006

You’ve got to hand it to Land Rover. It never fails to show the capabilities of its vehicles in the best light and this latest version is no exception. Television commercials now airing show a 2006 LR3 boarding a 75,562-pound C-130 Hercules cargo plane (well, it’s actually not a C-130, but who cares?) Once airborne the plane’s crew used the LR3’s navigation system to direct the plane from Nice, France, to the island of Corsica in the Mediterranean Sea. This commercial is the second in Land Rover’s “Designed for the Extraordinary” campaign, which prides itself in showing actual events, not dramatizations.

Anyway, we thought the commercial was quite impressive, so that sparked some ideas on other ways the Land Rover LR3’s navigation system might be used. We tried several.

Suppose you want to take a canoe trip in the upper reaches of Canada. Well, what better way to do so than to strap the canoe onto the top of your Land Rover and drive until there are no more roads? Once at the side of the lake or river, just launch the canoe and drive the Land Rover onto one of the seats, crank up the NAV system and start paddling.

Our neighbor always has trouble with his robotic lawn mower. It never fails to miss a few patches of lawn, forcing him to have to go to the considerable effort of mowing himself. This is intolerable to many people of his “station,” so we loaned our Land Rover to him. Once we spent a few hours locking in the coordinates of his lawn and fitting a gang-mower to the trailer hitch of the Land Rover, the rest was a piece of cake! (Sorry about the wheel tracks, Ed).

How many of us have trouble finding our parked vehicles in those multilevel garages at the malls? We certainly do, so we decided to follow our car with a Land Rover. Once we parked the car we drove the Land Rover through Nordstrom’s and all the way into Radio Shack. Thanks to the NAV system it was easy to get back to our original parking spot in the mall garage. Note: Starbucks doesn’t allow pets or Land Rovers in its stores.

How about using the system to take you home when you’ve been imbibing adult beverages? Just pump up your inflatable dummy, put him in the driver’s seat and tell the NAV system to take you home while you recline in the back seat.

This seems a clever way to create a designated driver, but there might be one flaw: if the fuel in the tank uses 15 percent ethanol as an additive, might the Land Rover technically be DUI?

If the Land Rover can navigate an airplane, why not a submarine? What better way to avoid the heavy traffic around major cities such as Washington than to use the river! An old, surplus WWII sub can be bought cheap and a ramp installed to drive the Land Rover into the conning tower. The rest is easy.

OK, some of these ideas are pretty impractical but that’s the way it goes. We did, however, come to the conclusion that all Land Rovers are female. Why, you may ask, are all Land Rovers female?

Well, because males never ask for directions.

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