- The Washington Times - Thursday, October 26, 2006

Little brother

That was a bouncing baby boy, Samuel Howard Thompson, arriving in the nation’s capital at 10:17 a.m. yesterday, the son of Jeri and Fred Thompson — she the political media consultant, he the Hollywood actor and former Tennessee Republican senator.

Sam’s vitals: 7 pounds 14 ounces, 20 inches.

The couple married June 29, 2002, and had their first child, a girl, Hayden Victoria Thompson, Sept. 27, 2003.

When not helping his wife prepare for the stork, Mr. Thompson this week lent his hand to the 2006 midterm elections by cutting a campaign ad for Tennessee Republican Senate hopeful Bob Corker, a former mayor of Chattanooga who is running in a tight race against Democrat Rep. Harold E. Ford Jr.

Lead souvenir

The National Border Patrol Council Local 2544 in Tucson, Ariz., which represents all the nonsupervisory U.S. Border Patrol agents in the illegal-alien-saturated region — the largest in the country — is not pleased with the recent conviction in Texas of fellow agents Ignacio Ramos and Juan Compean, one of whom shot a fleeing drug-smuggling suspect in the buttocks.

Just posted on the council’s Web site: “When smugglers try to run you over with a vehicle you’re supposed to: A. Shoot at them; B. Chase them; C. Wave at them and say ‘Bienvenidos a Los Estado Unidos’; D. Throw a pamphlet at them on how to apply for Amnesty; E. Offer them food, water, medical care, and counseling at taxpayer expense; F. Beg them not to report you to the [Office of Inspector General] and/or the U.S. attorney’s office for using an expletive when you dive for cover; or G. Let them go.

“We realize you probably thought that this was a trick question, but of course the correct answers are C, D, E, F and G (failure to complete all 5 procedures could subject you to severe disciplinary action).”

In short, the agents stopped a van loaded with 743 pounds of marijuana that suspect Osvaldo Aldrete-Davila was driving. A scuffle ensued, during which Ramos says he spotted a gun on the suspect. Shots rang out. However, Mr. Aldrete-Davila escaped across the Mexican border — albeit, the agents learned later, taking with him a lead souvenir from his short visit.

The slug, it turns out, was compliments of Ramos, a 2005 nominee for Border Patrol Agent of the Year. He has now been sentenced by a U.S. District Court judge in El Paso to 11 years and one day in prison, while Compean was handed 12 years. Among other charges, the federal agents did not report the shooting when filing their incident reports.

Bottle of Bracco

That’s “Sopranos” star Lorraine Bracco showcasing her new wine label, Bracco Estates, at an invitation-only wine tasting and food-pairing at Posh on 11th Street Northwest this evening.

The actress, who plays psychotherapist Dr. Jennifer Melfi on the popular mob show, picks her grapes from various producers in the Tuscany region of Italy and markets more than a handful of varietals nationwide, Chianti Classico to pinot grigio.

Posh and Capitol File magazine host tonight’s event.

‘Pas On to Oza Pepl’

The Brussels Journal headline of Wednesday reads, “If Zis Mad You Smil, Please Pas On to Oza Pepl.”

We smiled, and so might you. Without further ado, the recycled gem:

“The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

“As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phase-in plan that would become known as ‘Euro-English.’

“In the first year, ‘s’ will replace the soft ‘c.’ Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

“The hard ‘c’ will be dropped in favor of ‘k.’ This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter.

“There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the second year when the troublesome ‘ph’ will be replaced with ‘f.’ This will make words like fotograf 20 percent shorter.

“In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expected to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

“Governments will encourage the removal of double letters, which have always been a deterrent to akurate spelling.

“Also, al will agree that the horibl mes of the silent ‘e’ in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

“By the 4th yer, people will be reseptiv to steps such as replacing ‘th’ with ‘z’ and ‘w’ with ‘v.’

“During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary ‘o’ kan be droid from vords kontaining ‘ou’ and after ziz fifz yer, Ve vil. have a real sensibl risen styl.

“Zer vil. be no mor. trull or difikultis and evrivun vil. find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze dream of a united urop vil. finali kum tru.

“Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.”

John McCaslin, whose column is nationally syndicated, can be reached at 202/636-3284 or [email protected]

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