- The Washington Times - Sunday, February 18, 2007

Finally found out what the hold-up was with Barry Bonds’ contract. During his physical exam, it seems, team doctors found an unidentified additive in his air intake manifold.

• • •

On a related subject, two San Francisco Chronicle reporters were spared jail time last week when a defense attorney admitted leaking them grand jury documents from the BALCO investigation.

Meanwhile, Bonds continues to let his trainer, Greg Anderson, rot in a cell for refusing to testify against him.

That’s right, folks, Barry is now more unscrupulous than your average lawyer.

• • •

Returning to NASCAR, officials really threw the book at Michael Waltrip’s team for cheating during Daytona 500 qualifying. They not only penalized him 100 driver points, but they also docked his wife, Elizabeth “Buffy” Waltrip, 100 owner points — and prohibited her from slaying any vampires for the rest of the season.

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Trivia question: What prominent Washington sports figure went to the same high school as Lisa Nowak, aka the Runaway Astronaut? (Answer below.)

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Coming soon to the DIY network: A home makeover show directed at, of all people, guys. Called “Man Caves,” it’s hosted by the uber-manly Tony Siragusa and involves converting a basement, garage or whatever into an official Male Space. For one such “cave” in suburban Boston, Siragusa and his crew installed a parquet floor and barstools that were originally seats in the old Boston Garden.

“Women have taken over the rest of the house,” the former Baltimore Raven told the Boston Globe. “We’re teaching guys how to create their own spaces. If you’re the kind of guy who gets pedicures, we’re not coming to your house. The man cave is the true man’s space, and the dcor is non-negotiable.”

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Memo to Tony: Real men don’t have dcor. Real men don’t even know where to put the accent in “dcor.”

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Another memo to Tony: If you really want to attract attention to the show, you should pay your first visit to that Neanderthal guy on the Geico commercial.

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When you’re done renovating, though, try not say it was “so easy a caveman could do it.”

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Something else I learned from the Globe story: There are actually books out there titled “Where Men Hide” and “ManSpace: A Primal Guide to Marking Your Territory.”

The author of the latter, Sam Martin, explained to the paper: “Men are tired of wandering in the wilderness. They no longer want their spaces to be dark and musty. The cavemen are evolving.”

• • •

Just because he snuck into the game as an alternate doesn’t mean we have to start referring to Sean Taylor as a Pro Bowler, does it?

• • •

News item: Chargers safety Terrence Kiel pleads guilty to felony and misdemeanor drug charges for shipping codeine-based cough syrup to Texas.

Comment: The plan, I’m guessing, was to slap a picture of a quarterback on the bottles and sell them as “Vick’s Formula 44.”

• • •

Notre Dame football coach Charlie Weis to the Chicago Tribune, after losing several top recruits who had given the school oral commitments: “If you’re married, you shouldn’t be looking at other women.”

I have two reactions to this:

1. And if you’re trying to lock up a player, you shouldn’t be losing 41-14 to LSU in the Sugar Bowl (and getting outgained 333-30 in the second half).

2. Hey, tell that to your old boss, Bill Belichick.

• • •

Now that Duke is no longer in the men’s Top 25, isn’t it time for Dick Vitale to tell us that “this is one of Mike Krzyzewski’s best coaching jobs”?

• • •

Feel-Good Story of the Week: Former Virginia Tech basketballer Allen Calloway, who has been batting a rare cancer since 2001, just finished work on his degree. He “would have been done sooner, of course,” Bill Roth notes in the Kroger Roth Report, “but he’s spent much of the past year in the Wake Forest Baptist Medical Center in Winston-Salem. He spent two full months there last spring following emergency brain surgery.”

• • •

I don’t suppose Acie Law IV, the Texas A&M; hoops star, is any relation to Pembrook Burrows III …

• • •

You’d have to be almost my age (153) to remember Burrows. He was a 7-footer who played alongside 7-2 Artis Gilmore — and 6-10 reserve Rod McIntyre — on Jacksonville’s gigantic Final Four team in 1970. In the national title game at Maryland’s Cole Field House, Burrows had 12 points and six boards in an 80-69 loss to UCLA. (Gilmore, on the other hand, had his shot blocked five times by 6-8 Bruin Sidney Wicks.)

• • •

That Jacksonville club was the first in NCAA history to average 100 points a game (100.4, to be exact — before there was a 3-point stripe, no less). Boy, those were great times for college basketball. That same season, Ohio State shot 54.4 percent from the floor and 80.9 from the line — leading the nation in both departments — and didn’t even make the tournament. (Iowa got the Big Ten’s one allotted bid.)

• • •

Moving to boxing, Mike Tyson continues his in-patient treatment for “various addictions” at an undisclosed facility in Phoenix. He’s apparently making good progress, too. Sources say he’s already sworn off Evander Holyfield.

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Answer to trivia question: Dan Snyder. The Redskins owner graduated from Rockville’s Woodward High School (which no longer exists) in 1982, the year after Nowak.

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And finally …

Former middleweight champ Bernard Hopkins, who’s coming of retirement to face Winky Wright, referred to himself the other day as “the Jerry Rice of boxing.” Funny, but I always thought Kevin McBride, Tyson’s last opponent, was “the Jerry Rice of boxing” — because he was always going down and out.

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