- The Washington Times - Sunday, January 21, 2007

The Redskins have signed a multi-year sponsorship agreement with 7-Eleven.

Gee, I would have thought they’d sign a deal with 5-Eleven.

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Does this mean FedEx Field will become a gathering place for day laborers?

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Actually, it makes a lot of sense when you stop and think about it. I mean, 7-Eleven has the Big Bite, and the Redskins really bit the big one this season.

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Just for the sake of argument, let’s say Saints 24, Bears 20, and — in the Real Super Bowl — Colts 23, Patriots 17.

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The Patriots made it to Super Bowl 39 without Ty Law and Richard Seymour. Can they possibly make it to Super Bowl 41 without another defensive mainstay, Rodney Harrison? (Or will Rodney find a way to sneak onto the field today?)

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Speaking of the Pats, how did you like the trick play they ran for a two-point conversion against the Chargers — a direct snap to running back Kevin Faulk, who powered into the end zone (while Tom Brady acted like the hike had sailed over his head)?

Believe it or not, it’s the third time they (and Faulk) have pulled it off in a big game. They also used it for a two-point conversion in Super Bowl 38 vs. the Panthers and for a seven-yard gain — to set up an Adam Vinatieri field goal — against the Rams in SB 36.

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Great quote the other day from San Diego coach Marty Schottenheimer. “Any time you lose in the playoffs,” he said, “it isn’t the speed you’re going at the crash that kills you, it’s the sudden stop. I unfortunately know that all too well.”

In future playoff games, Marty might want to trade his headset for a HANS device.

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So I’m reading about this water bottle with the secret compartment, the one Michael Vick was caught with at the Miami airport, and I’m thinking: A water bottle with a hidden compartment? Sounds like something you’d get for subscribing to ESPN Magazine.

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According to the police report, the compartment contained “a small amount of dark particulate and a pungent aroma closely associated with marijuana.” It’s just a hunch, but I’m guessing the “dark particulate” was brownie mix.

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If so, brace yourself for the Duncan Hines Defense.

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I can’t decide which is more shocking, Mike Shula interviewing for the Dolphins job or Heath Shuler being elected to the House of Representatives.

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In a recent Sports Illustrated poll, NFL players were asked which team — other than their own — they would most like to play for.

The No. 1 answer: Miami (8.4 percent).

The No. 2 answer: Dallas (8.1).

Why am I not surprised? Florida and Texas, after all, don’t have a state income tax.

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Hysterical piece by Chuck Klosterman in the February issue of Esquire on jocks-turned-sportscasters — in particular, on whether they’ve had better careers as athletes or talking heads. His appraisal of Joe Theismann:

“As field general for the Skins’ magic years, Joe threw for 25,206 yards. This total is roughly equivalent to the number of compliments he’s given to Brett Favre since 2001. Struggling to find chemistry alongside pedantic goofball Tony Kornheiser, Theismann is an overbearing apologist with a proclivity for obsessing on aspects of strategy that no one seems to recognize but him. He was far better at handing the pig to John Riggins and having his tibia snapped by a cokehead. Better as a player.”

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The former wife of Giants defensive end Michael Strahan has been awarded 50 percent of their joint marital assets in a divorce settlement. Here’s what really hurts, though: Jean Strahan is now in the top 10 on the Giants’ all-time sack list with 66.

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In baseball, the Cubs have signed Jeff Samardzija, star wideout for Notre Dame, to an $10 million contract as a pitcher. The kid should fit right in on Addison Street. After all, the postseason record of the Irish footballers is about as bad as the Cubbies’.

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Money must be getting tight for the Tribune Co. To make room on the roster for Samardzija, the Cubs designated Ryan Dempster for assignment … to the Baltimore Sun.

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Details about the Saddam Hussein’s final hours continue to filter out. Sources now claim that, in a last-ditch effort, his attorneys tried to get the sentence commuted from “death by hanging” to “five minutes in the Budweiser Hot Seat.”

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Sure, John Merrick missed the cut in the Bob Hope Chrysler Classic, but who would have thought the Elephant Man was capable of such golf?

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Yao Ming thinks it’s utterly ridiculous, beyond comprehension, that he would be linked romantically with actress Nia Long, who’s 28 inches shorter than him at 5-2.

Obviously, the man has never seen any pictures of Susan Anton with Dudley Moore.

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Headline of the Week (from the Los Angeles Times): “No charges against [Kwame] Brown for throwing cake.”

Seems the Wizards’ erstwhile enfant terrible got himself in A Situation recently. A guy celebrating his 30th birthday was holding a $190 chocolate cake outside a night club, and Brown grabbed it out of the box and heaved it at teammate Ronny Turiaf, who happened to be celebrating his birthday. Unfortunately, the cake struck the man in the back (which figures, since Kwame hit only 54.5 percent of his free throws last season).

The district attorney, in a forgiving mood, decided to let the matter drop. Me, I would have at least given Brown two minutes for icing.

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And finally …

Dikembe Mutombo says he’s tired of jokes about his age — he claims to be 40 — and wants folks to cease and desist. No way, Dikembe. In fact, here’s another to throw atop the pile:

Dikembe Mutombo is so old that he refers to Dr. James A. Naismith as “Jimbo.”

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