- The Washington Times - Thursday, March 29, 2007

Hollywood superheroes

Mexican wrestler El Hijo del Santo wants to body-slam polluters of the Tijuana River on the Baja Peninsula, according to Associated Press. That’s just the kind of altruistic, fighting spirit Hollywood could use — and not just because of the smog.

Nacho Man — This mild-mannered, masked man swoops into the estates of wraithlike actresses such as Angelina Jolie, Lindsay Lohan and Calista Flockhart with gallons of ice cream, chocolate syrup, potato chips and a crateful of glossy magazines.

The Quentin-ator — He can take a Hollywood has-been and make hip him again in just 90 minutes.

Visa Girl — She sweet-talks the bureaucrats at foreign consulates on behalf of the likes of Snoop Dogg, the rapper whose checkered past (Murder, you’ll recall, was the case that they gave him) put a snag in plans for a British tour with Diddy.

Paparazzi Punisher — Call him a vigilante if you must. Just watch where you flash those bulbs. He has shredded many a roll of film and, in a pinch, Paparazzi Punisher is also quick with the palm of his hand. His is the paw you see covering television camera lenses as light-sensitive celebrities exit nightclubs and courtrooms.

El Hermano del Hijo del Santo — The superhero no Southern California celebrity can live without, he communicates with domestic help.

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