- The Washington Times - Friday, August 8, 2008

Hip-hop superstar Kanye West threw tired fans into a tizzy by delaying his appearance at this year’s Bonnaroo Music & Arts Festival by two hours. He explained on his blog that the festival’s stage infrastructure couldn’t meet the technological demands of his elaborate setup. Organizers of the Virgin Mobile Festival, where Mr. West will perform this weekend, should take extra care to keep him happy.

1. Dylan — Mr. West is slated to follow the legendary Bob Dylan Sunday night. Daunting, to say the least. An upstaging is possible. Mr. Dylan himself may prevent this by rendering his hits unrecognizable, if he plays any at all, but organizers should slip something into Mr. Dylan’s water, just in case.

2. Clear skies — Mr. West is performing on a set with lots of fancy-schmancy bells and whistles. Rain is no good for that kind of thing. Let’s avoid the proverbial festival mud bath, thank you very much.

3. Helicopter ride — As we all know too well, traffic around here is the pits. Even police escorts take time. Transport via helicopter is the safest, quickest bet.

4. Backstage hors d’oeuvres — “This Is Spinal Tap” provides the essential cautionary tale. The bread: Make sure it’s big enough to cover the entire length of the cold cuts. And the olives: no pimentos.

5. Grammys — Take care that he’s introduced as “Grammy Award winner” Kanye West. We hear he’s really proud of those trophies.

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