- The Washington Times - Sunday, February 17, 2008


“I was like, Whoa. I knew I had to get to the bench.” — Richard Zednik on realizing he was bleeding


Sunday’s a great day to sleep in. Or watch the Daytona 500. 3:30 p.m., Chs. 5, 45


1. Presidential— It would be better if Charles Barkley ran, of course. That way he could insult every state, not just Alabama, Arkansas and Mississippi. OK, that’s terrible. Just terrible.

2. Cockroach— Apparently, the “Cocky races” happen every year on Australia Day in Brisbane. Hall of Famers include Cocky Balboa, Cocky ‘N’ Bullwinkle and Sir Roachalot. Gives new meaning to “Baby Got Back.”

3. “Ninja Warrior”— Every boy’s dream: Become a star-throwing, nunchuck-wielding menace via an obstacle course. In subtitles!

4. Burrito mile— Invented in Montgomery County, runners down a hefty tortilla filled with fabulous meats and cheeses before racing 1,600 meters. Regurgitation not encouraged. Check out burritomile.com.

5. Interstate 495-270 interchange— Try it at about 4 p.m. on a Tuesday. In freezing rain. Speed thrills, baby. Speed thrills. Also see Bowl, Mixing.

6. “Wacky Races”— Greatest names in the history of cartoon villainy: Dick Dastardly and Muttley. It’s fairly shocking the FCC hasn’t gone back and fined CBS.

7. The Crucible— A death-defying cross-country race that reportedly took the life of Rex Racer. In reality, he was marooned on a mysterious island for four seasons or so before disguising himself as Racer X to help his brother Speed win said race. Ooops, just spoiled the movie.

8. Sausage— In the middle of the sixth inning each night at Miller Park, a hot dog, a Polish, an Italian, a Chorizo and a Brat walk into a bar. The winner, of course, is indigestion.

9. Bring Your Own Big Wheel— For seven years running, racers have strapped on their helmets and kneepads to roll down San Francisco’s famed Lombard Street on kids’ toys on Easter Sunday. This year’s race will be somewhere else in the city, but participants are sure to get a lovely pair of tighty whities. Check out jonbrumit.com/byobw.html.

10. Chad Johnson vs. horse— The Danny probably watched this video (youtube.com/watch?v=VWGoSc28B1M) and immediately wanted the wideout to become the Ocho Skino. Probably a good thing Ben Johnson lost to a couple of horses a decade ago.

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