- The Washington Times - Friday, February 8, 2008

Now they’ve turned the poor girl into an opera. A dance company in London put on a ballet last week about Britney Spears called “Meltdown,” a 16-minute chronicle of craziness. Why pick on just Britney, though? This could be a new genre.

Amy Winehouse — Will she or won’t she go back to rehab? No, no, no? Or yes, yes, yes? Is that smoke coming from a crack pipe? Does her husband beat her — or she him? The only potential drawback here is for makeup artists: All those tattoos.

Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson — A time-honored trope of male-female drama: Boy meets girl. Girl attends game. Boy goes weak in the knees. Boy blows playoffs.

Tom Cruise — An adventurous production, with “Cruise” as the exuberant hero who swoops into scenes of car wrecks, gets children off drugs and cures disease. But he is a lonely hero. The world does not recognize his goodness. It only laughs.

Marilyn Manson and Evan Rachel Wood — With its visceral aesthetic possibilities, this one would be compellingly “Phantom”-esque: An attractive starlet has a love affair with one of the freakiest-looking dudes who’s ever lived.

Bill and Hillary — The enduring power couple for whom, it seems, the term “psychodrama” was invented. Maybe the Clintons could even play themselves, if they don’t make it back to the White House in November, that is. We know they’re both expert at tearing up on cue.

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