- The Washington Times - Sunday, November 2, 2008

A lot is riding on Monday night’s Redskins-Steelers game. As we’ve seen in the past 17 presidential elections, if the Redskins win their last home game before Election Day, the party that won the popular vote in the previous election wins the White House. If the Redskins lose, the party that lost the popular vote moves into 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.

Which raises the question: What if the game ends in a tie? Are we looking at a Ralph Nader presidency?

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Oh, and don’t miss this: At halftime, ESPN’s Chris Berman is scheduled to do one-on-one interviews with the two main candidates via satellite.

Here’s hoping Chris can resist the urge to give them nicknames. You know, something along the lines of: “Take It To The” Barack Obama and John “No McCain No Gain.”

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What, you were hoping for Barack “B-1” Obama and John McCain “Mutiny”?

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Only the 49ers could go from a coach who liked to wear suits on the sideline (Mike Nolan) to a coach who delivers pep talks with his pants around his ankles (Mike Singletary).

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According to a team spokesman, by the way, Singletary kept his boxers on during his halftime rant last Sunday.

Rats. I was just about to type: Who does he think he is, Warren Moon?

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Memo to the Niners: If I were you, I’d think twice about referring to Singletary’s news conferences as “briefings.”

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I’ve got no problem with a football coach dropping trou to motivate his players - with the possible exception of Mark Mangino.

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Did you see Wayne Huizenga wants to sell his share of the Dolphins before Obama’s tax plan is implemented?

I’m not sure how serious he is, though. Heck, last season, he was saying he wanted to sell his share of the team before Cam Cameron’s next game plan was implemented.

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Just wondering: If somebody like, oh, the Patriots’ Vince Wilfork was late paying some fines, would the NFL attach The Boot to one of his feet?

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Don’t get me wrong, I’m mightily impressed by Jason Campbell’s ability to avoid an interception in the first eight games. But let’s not forget, just a year ago, David Garrard did the same thing in his first eight games for the Jaguars. It’s just that they were games Nos. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 10 and 11. (He was out three weeks with an injury.) Thus, the first pick he threw was Dec. 2 against the Colts.

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The Packers just signed quarterback Aaron Rodgers to a contract extension through the 2014 season. Why 2014, you ask? Because they play the AFC East that season and are looking forward to one last matchup between Rodgers and 45-year-old Jets QB Brett Favre.

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Elsewhere in football, 15 members of North Texas’ team tested positive recently for drugs - street drugs, according to coach Todd Dodge.

There’s no truth to the rumor, though, that they might change their name to the Mean Greenies.

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In Georgia’s Clark County, meanwhile, administrators decided to cancel school Friday - the day before the Georgia-Florida game - because so many teachers were likely to call in “sick.”

I thought it was “The World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party,” not “The World’s Largest Outdoor PTA Meeting.”

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Well, Charles Barkley, the erstwhile Round Mound of Rebound, is once again talking about running for governor of Alabama. I have my doubts, though - not about the “governor of Alabama” part, but about the “running” part. With Charles, I suspect, it’ll be more like a slow jog, perhaps even a leisurely stroll.

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News item: NBA announces plans to hold the 2010 All-Star Game at the Dallas Cowboys’ new stadium.

Comment: Not to be outdone, the WWE says it will stage WrestleMania XXVI on Wimbledon’s centre court.

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Quiet, please. Randy Orton is about to body-slam The Undertaker.

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The rookie game, however, will still be played at the American Airlines Center, the Mavericks’ home court. Several other attractions will also take place there, including the slam dunk contest, the 3-point shooting competition and Shaquille O’Neal’s weigh-in.

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But here’s the best part about the 2010 All-Star Game: Greg Oden might be off the injured list by then.

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Read somewhere that Jason Caffey, the former Chicago Bull, is being sued by some of the - yikes - eight women who have borne his 10 children.

To which I say: You can stop now, Jason. We’ve got enough to play fullcourt.

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Eight women, 10 children. I gotta tell ya, that never would have happened in the days before expansion.

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Poor Joe McKeown. He goes to Northwestern after 19 fabulous seasons at George Washington, and who wants to interview him for the school newspaper? My son Danny, who just got assigned to cover women’s basketball at the Daily Northwestern.

Don’t worry, Joe; he’s much better than his old man. For one thing, he’d never dream of splitting an infinitive.

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Turning to baseball, the Red Sox picked up the 2009 option of knuckleballer Tim Wakefield. You might say Wakefield, who turns 43 next season, is hanging on by his fingernails.

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In boxing, bouts are limited to 12 rounds. So I guess the sweet science is more humane than hockey, because the Ducks and Canucks needed 13 shootout rounds Friday night to determine a winner (Vancouver, 6-5).

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And finally …

From the Los Angeles Times’ Helene Elliott:

“Ducks coach Randy Carlyle was surprisingly calm afterward.

‘Every game is not a Mona Lisa that you try to paint,’ he said afterward.

“Maybe. But paint-by-numbers defense doesn’t work so well unless you like poker-playing dogs on black velvet.”


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