Dear Ms. Vicki,
I’ve been dating my girlfriend for almost a year and a half. I’m 27, and she is 25. I’m a Marine and I will deploy in December to Afghanistan. We are engaged and I wanted to get married when I get back. We had set a wedding date and everything, but nothing was final with the plans. Now all of a sudden, she wants to be married before I leave. I really want to, but my parents disagree.
My mom thinks she wants to be married so if something happens to me while I am deployed, she will be taken care of. I don’t have a problem with that, but I wanted to have a wedding with all of my family and friends.
Now I feel like I am caught in the middle. What do you tell Marines who are about to deploy about situations like this? Thanks for your time, Ms. Vicki. I’m stationed in Maryland and I have read your articles in The Washington Times. - A Marine Stationed at CBIRF
Hello Marine,
I will give you the same advice I give all service members who are about to deploy: Don’t get married yet. Wait until you return, so you can try to spend some time cultivating your relationship.
Deployments are long and can wreak havoc on a relationship. I’m not saying that you and your fiancee can’t handle the pressure, because many people do. However, I’m saying if you wait, then you will only have to really be concerned about yourself for now.
Let’s hope your fiancee will have the support of family and friends, and she can still plan the wedding, finish school, work, etc., while you are deployed. Marriage is tough, especially in the beginning.
I’ve seen too much and received too many letters from service members who married quickly before deployment. They soon realized they did not know this person as well as they thought they did. I know it can happen in other situations, too, but my advice is to wait.
Dear Ms. Vicki,
I think my sister-in-law and her children are trying to kill my brother. I recently found out she changed my brother’s medical directives to give her power of attorney if he is hospitalized. She also wants him to be under a do-not-resuscitate order. She did this when he was in the hospital recuperating from a heart attack. I think she and her children drove him to a heart attack because they want him dead.
My brother is retired from the Army. He was married before but has no children. He met this woman at church and she latched on to him. She knows he is well- off because of his investments, his retirement pay and his great contract job.
I used to have power of attorney for my brother’s estate, but when he married her, she demanded he change everything to her and her children.
My best friend and my husband tell me I need to stay out of this, but my brother’s wife and her children won’t even let me come to the house to check on him and won’t let him return my phone calls.
If I call the police and tell them to go and check on my brother, will they? I just can’t sit back and let this continue. - Brother’s Keeper
Dear Brother’s Keeper,
Since you are so concerned for your brother’s well-being, I think you should go to his home, knock on the door and demand to see him so you can verify he is doing OK. If his wife or her children won’t let you see him, you should contact the police or sheriff’s department and make a report so they can go to the home and verify his safety.
From your letter, you are also concerned about his finances and their access to his money. I’m not sure what you can do about that as she is his wife and he has given her power of attorney. On the other hand, I’m not an attorney. So consider seeking some legal counsel to help you with this concern.
• Vicki Johnson, a licensed clinical social worker, military spouse and mother of three, has been counseling service members and their families for 15 years. Contact her at dearmsvicki@yahoo.com.
Please read our comment policy before commenting.