- The Washington Times - Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Advice compiled and condensed from actual sources by Kelly Jane Torrance, who composed the questions.

I didn’t win anything at this year’s Golden Globes. But I still like to make headlines. So I made a few comments about how the bad people of my state, California, recently voted to overturn gay marriage. I called them unAmerican, and I stand by that. After all, if the Legislature agreed to something, don’t you think the people should support it? I think it’s simply unAmerican to disagree with your elected officials and have your own vote on a proposition once the matter’s already been decided.

- Tom Hanks

Dear Tom,

We must not confuse dissent with disloyalty. When the loyal opposition dies, I think the soul of America dies with it.

- Edward R. Murrow

After repeatedly denying I was a drug user, I just pleaded guilty to possessing methamphetamine. Do you think this could have anything to do with the fact that two of my kids have serious drug problems?

My son Redmond was arrested at the same time as me last fall, and he was already on probation. My daughter Tatum was also arrested last year, for buying crack.

The thing is, I’ve always told them not to use drugs. I was really clear about that. So I’m not sure why they refused to listen to me and did them anyway. Is it really my fault if I made sure I told them the right way to live their lives?

- Ryan O’Neal

Dear Ryan,

He that gives good advice, builds with one hand; he that gives good counsel and example, builds with both; but he that gives good admonition and bad example, builds with one hand and pulls down with the other.

- Francis Bacon

I can’t seem to stay out of the spotlight — and not because of my blond good looks. A video in which I referred to a good friend of mine as a “Paki” has made its way to the Internet. There’s a huge outcry in the country to whose throne I’m third in line. People still remember when pictures of me in full Nazi regalia at a costume party were published. I’m not a racist, though. I’m only 24 years old — can’t we put these mistakes down to youthful indiscretions? You could say I’m just following royal example: It has come out that my father, Prince Charles, has long called an Asian friend “Sooty,” and my grandfather, Prince Philip, has been a successful royal for decades, and he’s made tons of racial gaffes.

- Prince Harry

Dear Prince Harry,

A man knows he is growing old because he begins to look like his father.

- Gabriel Garcia Marquez

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